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Devastatingly Kendrickian Turns of Events: Nationals 6, Phillies 2 (11)

The Phillies did okay while waiting for the other shoe to drop. This shoe, however, was a steel-tipped boot worn by an angry, in-shape Marine gunnery sergeant. And it found purchase in our fantaints. Again and again. And again.

Brian Garfinkel

Elder statesmen of the Internet and garage sale enthusiasts might remember the Rubik's Cube. As a nascent poet I only got good at them once I learned that you could pry off the corner and reassemble them into the tidy colors. Until that point, however, it was an angry, frustratingly unenjoyable toy, as each twist and turn of the beguiling Hungarian puzzle only served to make me feel as though I was entering an endless wilderness, each move a more frantic, futile effort to emerge into sunlight, the very walking version of a swimmer caught in a suffocating, seaweedy riptide.

So it was tonight. Take your pick of twists and turns. Did you like the home run by Michael Young, fresh off last night's triple-double night, and the whim that he might in fact be a secret weapon to deploy against the Nationals? Well, good, that was a great start to the puzzle, and it gave the Phillies a 2-0 lead.

But then the Phillies' offense did nothing. I mean nothing. For 29 outs. Credit Gio Gonzalez, a wrong-way turn from years ago, for that. But turn another way, and Kyle Kendrick was just as good, maybe better, until old friend Jayson Werth singled home Ryan Zimmerman in the seventh to make the score 2-1. So: time for panic twisting. Bastardo in the 8th against Tracy! Good! Galvis for Frandsen in the 9th! Okay! Leave Howard in! What? Papelbon in the 9th! Good! Go for the sweep! Uh-oh! Defensive miscue! By Galvis! Twist again! Papelbon blows another save with two outs! Bad! Werth! Worse! Twist! Adams in the 10th! Bad! But wait! It's okay tonight! Good! But this means Mike Martinez pinch hits! Good God! Way bad! Stutes in! He can pitch multiple innings! And the curls! Very good! But a Zimmerman 1-out double was really bad! So walk LaRoche! Bad! To pitch to Werth! Who walked (Bad!) We don't need a fly ball here Chollie (h/t Joecatz)! Bad! Bases loaded for Desmond! Ump wouldn't call high strikes! (Bad!) Grand slam ensues! (That's bad.)

Please discuss the metaphorical steps with which the Phillies can reassemble this jumbled mess by following the instructions in this tutorial:

3x3 Rubik's Cube Disassembly Tutorial (v2) (via MeMyselfAndPi)

Source: FanGraphs