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Are You There RAJ? It's Me, Joecatz: An Open Letter to Ruben Amaro Jr.

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Dear Ruben, I wanna believe you know whats best but man... What the F*%k? Can I try and be the voice of reason here? Cause this last one boggles my mind. I'm available. For free. Call me.

Jeff Zelevansky

Editors note: This letter has been mailed to Ruben Amaro Jr, word for word at his office at CBP. I have also sent copies to David Montgomery, Ryne Sandberg, Larry Anderson, Gary Matthews Jr. Charlie Manuel, Rich Dubee and Chase Utley (solely because I think Utley really runs this team). Hopefully someone reads it and gets the message.

For the love of god people, help get the word out to let me help this team. I know I can do it. Tell your friends. start a petition. Whatever. But lets do this before someone gets hurt.

Dear Mr. Amaro,

My name is Joecatz. I'm a huge fan and contributor at a saber metrically inclined website dedicated to all things Phillies, You might know me from my predictive analysis of Raul Ibanez streakiness or my ability to parody your Roster meetings. I'm kind of famous in the twitterverse as well for my predictive habits, and incessant trade ideas, which have garnered me the nickname Catstradamus.

I won the TGP fantasy league last year, and also put together a pretty good roster for this season at the SBnation simulated GM game (I traded Worley and signed Lannan too !) I make a real good living here in Florida, but I'm writing you today because I want a job. I'm not asking for pay, or an office, or even a ring if we win it all. I just want to be your Jiminy Cricket.

I think you need someone like me, to be your voice of reason, cause your lost right now Ruben. Lost like Pinocchio Rube. (lies aside)/ Lost like a puppy in the woods, or a nun in a whorehouse, and you can't find the door. I want to help you.

We're a lot alike Ruben. I think you've made some great moves this off season. Unlike the typical Philies fan, I lobbied to trade Vance Worley a year ago. I think the deal for Revere was sheer brilliance. I didn't mind the Michael Young deal either, and to be honest, even with all the young arms in the system I see the value in the Mike Adams deal, for the same reasons you do, namely, your manager doesn't know how to manage a bullpen of young arms.And I firmly believe that as long as the bionic magnets in Chase utleys body that attract John Lannan fastballs dont make his pithces boomerang towards second base, that one is gonna be a great move.

But you're lost Ruben. Lost. Early on, you did a great job of moving talent that doesn't amount to anything above the AA level in deals for Halladay, Oswalt and Lee, but then you made a questionable one (see Pence, Hunter) based on greed, and it bit you.

I know it hurt Ruben. I know you regret it, but you're half assing it now man. You've gone 180 degrees in the other direction. You value that draft pick, I get it, but Delmon Young?

Forget the off field stuff. There are a hundred guys like Delmon who think the same thing he said drunk one one night playing the game. These are prima donna athletes, not missionaries and saints. I get the risk reward and all that but how hard is it to look at a guys splits and see that over the past two seasons the guy has hit 250/279/380 against RHP? this one baffles me, especially when you have a better defensive solution (Mayberry) on the team and two kids (Ruf and Brown) who deserve the chance to prove themselves.

What baffles me the most about this move, Ruben is that you've annointed him the RF. This is a guy who hasn't played the position since 2007, and I can't help but believe that this means you plan on playing Ruf in LF and Dom Brown is the odd man out. Otherwise, why announce Young as the RF when hes hurt and might miss spring training? I don't get Ruben. and neither does anyone else.

How hard is it to look at your roster and see that you need a LH bat from a platoon situation, not a RH one? I mean, I'm in the homebuilding business, I live in Florida, and I can see it. But I know man. I know. Charlie wants thump from the RH side. I get it. he's down on Brown. I get that too.

But Charlie ain't the boss. You are.Charlie wouldn't know a hamate from a ham bone. He could are less about cost effectiveness, and salary cap. he wants guys that'll make his job easy. You have to worry about all the other stuff and its tough. I know that. But I can help.

Charlie can't see the problems on the horizon, the need to control payroll because of the question marks around Utley, Hallday and Chooch. I see that Ruben. I see why you made a few moves like you did this off season.

I know your pissed you don't have the chips for Upton. You realize that if you hadn't gone after Pence you might be in that game today. I know you see Elsbury and Cano and Grandy out there next year, and have the relief arms and catching prospects and guys like Morgan and Biddle and Martin, and hope someone ANYONE steps up and turns into a blue chipper who can net you the next Upton. I get that dude, I really do.

But you're half assing it to the point where you might not have a job real soon if things go astray this year. And no offense, but in a year when you pass on Bourn, BJ, Hamilton, Pagan, Swisher, Victorino and Pagan to end up with Ben Revere and Delmon Young? That's borderline treason.

You're scared Ruben. Scared of commiting to the wrong guy and getting another Howard like deal on your hands. Scared that if you commit the money now, and something happens to Utley you won't have it in the offseason. Scared that if Halladay is done, you'll need another arm at the deadline.

And I know you covet David Price. I do too. But that's a year away brother.

You've obviously got the wrong voices whispering in your ear RAJ. Let me be your new voice. Call me anytime and bounce stuff. I'll be discreet. Everything will be between us. I promise on my kids.

I never would have let you non tender Schierholtz Rube. Never. And you wouldn't be in this mess. I would have talked you out of the two year deal for Nix, the Pence trade never would have happened and things would be different.

Seriously. I can help. Please let me.

I'm enclosing my resume, address and phone number as well. I look forward to you soon.

My best wishes for a succesful 2013.



PS: If you don't call, at least look at Delmon's splits and keep him off the field against RHP. Think about platooning him at 1B with Howard if you have to. And for Gods sake, before you trade Brown to Chicago for Soriano, remember the kid had hamate surgery and might just surprise you this spring.That's free advice.