Phillies Exit Interview: Issue Number One: Crappy Infielders

Because of rank incompetence, would be one answer, though I would argue that rank indifference would be more fitting. After all, someone has to play all nine positions, and if Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Michael Young, Cody Asche, Freddy Galvis and Cesar Hernandez were all somehow unavailable, well, it might as well be one of these guys. Plus LeRud was a catcher, so there's that.

But still. Two years ago, we won 102 games. Now I'm writing about these guys. It just doesn't seem fair.

Obligatory Stat Lookup Zone:

Pete Orr at Baseball-Reference and Fangraphs.

Steven LeRud at Baseball-Reference and Fangraphs.

Steve Susdorf at Baseball-Reference and Fangraphs.

There, that's four, right?

Fine, be that way, math. Here's Michael Martinez at Baseball-Reference and Fangraphs.

Are you happy now bitch?

In any case, these guys weren't worth a whole lot. They combined for a lofty .167/.189/.181/.370, with one double, two walks and 25 strikeouts over 74 PAs in 53 games. In sum, they were worth -1.1 fWAR or -0.8 rWAR.

Now, granted, every team needs a utility infielder, hopefully a guy with some wheels and positional flexibility. Ideally, this guy could cover the left side of the infield steadily, perhaps not be embarrassingly bad in the outfield, and pinch run when needed. Orr, overwhelmingly the best of the four, fits that description to a 't'. He's reasonably fast, can play every position west of first base, and best of all, he has a lifetime .257 batting average, so you can expect him to deliver once in a while.

Most teams, however, don't need a second utilityman. If you were going to have one, though, you'd hope for a guy like Wayne Terwilliger. Twig was the perfect utillityman. He could field every position, loved to pitch batting practice, and had a utilityman's name. Seriously. Wayne Terwilliger. Michael Martinez is no Wayne Terwilliger.

The other members of this boy band of shame, Stevens Susdorf and Lerud (sounds like a Canadian law firm), get a pass from me, not out of any sense of charity, but because they combined for 12 PAs. LeRud was like the twelfth string catcher, and made his appearances during the Catcher Pandemic in June, and Susdorf is an outfielder who was called up for three games in flyover country in July.

I don't really have much else to add about these guys. I think four hundred words on an article containing Michael Martinez is a violation of the Geneva Conventions.

Editor's Note: These four interviews will be conducted simueltaneously in a panel format, moderated by John McLaughlin.

McLaughlin: ISSUE NUMBER ONE! THIS SEASON WAS THE WORST SEASON IN OVER ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF PHILLIES BASEBALL. PETE ORR!

Orr: Well, you know how it is, John, sometimes things just don't pan out. As we say in Canada, shit happens, eh. But Ruben and the staff are already planning for next year, so...

McLaughlin: WRONG! STEVE LERUD!

LeRud: You're absolutely right, John. This year was a nightmare, and, as the fortieth string catcher, I will strive to do better in the future.

McLaughlin: INTERESTING IF TRUE! STEVEN SUSDORF!

Susdorf: Yeah, the wins weren't there, but man, getting to make my major league debut with this group of guys was just wonderful. I want to...

McLaughin: WRONG! THIS YEAR WAS A DISASTER BECAUSE MANAGEMENT FAILED TO ASSEMBLE A BETTER ROSTER. RELYING ON THIS COLLECTION OF RETREADS AND HAS-BEENS INSTEAD OF RELOADING OR STARTING TO REBUILD RESULTED IN A COMPROMISE OF FAILURE! ISSUE NUMBER TWO! IF YOU HAD BEEN TRADED IN MID-SEASON, WOULD THE PHILLIES HAVE BEEN AS EMBARRASSINGLY TERRIBLE! PETE ORR!

Orr: Well, John, that's hard to say. I...

McLaughin: WRONG! STEVE LERUD!

LeRud: Yes, undeniably. If I had been traded to the Cubs for Reggie Jackson, the Phillies might have won 200 games.

McLaughlin: INTERESTING IF TRUE! STEVEN SUSDORF!

Susdorf: Dude, I hit .143. No-one's gonna trade anything for me. Not even Reggie Jackson, and he's almost 70 years old.

McLaughin: WRONG! IF YOU ALL HAD BEEN TRADED...

Martinez: Wait, let me answer!

McLaughin: Fine, go ahead.

Martinez: If...

McLaughin: WRONG! IF YOU ALL HAD BEEN TRADED, ESPECIALLY YOU, PLAN NINE (points at Martinez), THE PHILLIES WOULD HAVE BEEN MARGINALLY IMPROVED IF ONLY BECAUSE YOUR REPLACEMENTS COULD NOT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN WORSE. ISSUE NUMBER THREE! PHILLIES' GENERAL MANAJER RUBEN AMARO JUNIOR HAS A NUMBER OF OPTIONS FOR NEXT YEAR! SHOULD HE KEEP YOU ALL ONBOARD! PETE ORR!

Orr: Honestly, no, he shouldn't. Every team needs a backup infielder, but Freddy Galvis can do everything I can and likely better and more cheaply. I'd love to stay on, but I think it's time to take one for the team and move on.

McLaughlin: SOUNDS LIKE SAGE ADVICE! STEVE LERUD!

LeRud: Yes, I most definitely should be kept on. Every team needs an eighth string catcher, after all.

McLaughlin: INTERESTING IF TRUE! STEVEN SUSDORF!

Susdorf: Man, I don't even know. Probably not, right? I mean, if I can repeat last year's .313 BA at Lehigh...

McLaughin: WRONG! BORING! SHUT UP NERD! RED BADGE OF COURAGE!

Martinez: I think I...

McLaughin: WRONG! YOU SHOULD ALL BE CUT EXCEPT POSSIBLY STEVE LERUD BECAUSE EVERY TEAM DOES NEED AT LEAST 12 CATCHERS. ISSUE NUMBER FOUR! PHILLIES GENERAL MANAGER RUBEN AMARO JR! SHOULD HE BE CANNED! ORR!

Orr: Well, eh, you know, I don't really know. I mean, I'm not qualified to do that job, and he has had faith in me, so I would say no?

McLaughlin: HMPH. LERUD!

LeRud: Yes, he should absolutely be fired. He only has 40 catchers on his depth chart, for crissakes. Any half competent GM would have at least 50.

McLaughlin: INTERESTING IF TRUE. STEVEN SUSDORF!

Susdorf: Well, as Pete said...

McLaughin: WRONG! MR. STUMBLY WUMBLY!

Martinez: Well, if you...

McLaughin: WRONG! RUBEN AMARO SHOULD NOT BE FIRED AT THIS JUNCTURE! HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED ONE OR TWO MORE SEASONS TO REBUILD THE TEAM BEFORE THAT DECISION IS MADE! ISSUE NUMBER FIVE! EXPLAIN HOW YOUR TENURE AS A PHILLIES HAS BEEN THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR LIFE! PETE ORR!

Orr: This year was great and all, but I was an Olympian in 2004, so...

McLaughin: WRONG! STEVE LERUD!

LeRud: Yes, this experience as been undeniably the greatest thing to ever happen to anybody ever.

McLaughlin: INTERESTING IF TRUE. STEVEN SUSDORF!

Susdorf: Well, as Pete said...

McLaughin: WRONG! ISSUE NUMBER SIX! MICHAEL MARTINEZ! WHY! WRONG! BECAUSE STUPIDITY! THIS MAN SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO WEAR A BASEBALL UNIFORM! AND THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, WITH SPECIAL GUEST FRANK SINATRA!

McLaughlinL: