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Phillies Trade Rumors: Lee, Hamels, Papelbon

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Why? Why? Why?

Elsa

I think I'm losing my mind.

I mean, um, good morning, all! What a lovely, snow covered day it is today! We should all be grateful we have another day on this glorious earth, and we should all oh who am I fooling I can't do this. I can't pretend. WHY BOTHER.

That's a nice GOOD MORNING, isn't it?

If you'll recall from the Dom Brown trade rumor I posted about yesterday, the Phillies are looking to trade him in exchange for controllable starting pitching. So of course they're willing to talk about trading Cliff Lee, a starter they have locked up until at least 2016, and Cole Hamels, a starter they have locked up until at least 2018. Are the Phillies using a different definition of "controllable"? How about "starter"? I'll get out a dictionary, maybe they have more meanings that I'm not aware of.

I know that Lee and Hamels are expensive, but they also happen to be very, very good at what they do. That's kind of why they cost so much. Personally, I'm OK with trading Cliff Lee, but I'm less than OK with trading Hamels. And by "less than OK" I mean "don't you dare". I'm not sure where Amaro is going with this, but I don't like it. I'm not sure Amaro knows where he's going with this! Does he have a plan? For the Phillies? Does the front office know what they're doing? Or are they operating on the prince-like whims of Amaro? "Bring me Michael Martinez! I wish to see him flop around like a fish on a dock! Make sure he's coated in silver glitter and holding a basket of fruit! I'm hungry! And get me John Mayberry, I need him to say Stanford things to me, I'm feeling lonely for the old alma mater."

Someone make them stop.

In other news:

Of course, this is just one club talking about what the Phillies have said they'd do, so we're getting this tidbit fifth hand or sixth hand. But think about it -- that's how much Ruben Amaro wants to get rid of Papelbon. That's how much he regrets giving $13m a year to an aging closer. He's willing to "attach" Domonic Brown, a player he's sheltered from the trade market for *years*, if some team is willing to take Papelbon off his hands. Domonic Brown is officially a deal sweetener. He's the Splenda to Papelbon's bitter black coffee.

This year's Winter Meetings have a decidedly "aaaaaahhh I'm going insaaaaaaane" feeling about them. Stay with us for all the brain melting Phillies news!