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Symphony in BB: Phillies' Classical Walk-Up Music

What if the Phillies were only allowed to use walk-up music written before 1950?

The only concert hall with nosebleeds.
The only concert hall with nosebleeds.
Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

Once upon a time, there were no walk-up songs. There were no overproduced beats with morally questionable lyrics laid on top of them, or cliche guitar riffs drowning out somebody's finger-slammed-in-the-door vocals. There was only a man, a sheet of paper, and roughly 60 musicians at his command. It might lead one to wonder, what would the Phillies batters choose as their walk-up music if they could only pick orchestral music?

Well fans, fear not, for I have a liberal arts education in music and am incredibly well-qualified to answer this very question for you. It says so on my degree, written in pretty calligraphy and in a dead language.

So without further ado, I present to you, the Philadelphia Phillies' symphonic walk-up music.

Ryan Howard: Symphony No. 1 in D Major "Titan," mvt. I - Gustav Mahler

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Sure, he may go a little cold and quiet at times, but when he's on, he'll melt your face off. (Skip to 12:51 for face-melting.)

Chase Utley: "Mars, The Bringer of War" from The Planets - Gustav Holst

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I wonder how many home runs Utley could hit with a sledgehammer.

Jimmy Rollins: "Ride of the Valkyries" from Die Walküre - Richard Wagner

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Rollins and Wagner have a few things in common: they're loud, they're proud, they're good, and a lot of people don't like them very much.

Michael Young: Symphony No. 4 in E Minor, mvt. IV - Johannes Brahms

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Really a great piece at the start, but by the eighth minute in, you start to wonder how much longer you have to deal with it.

Domonic Brown: "Lemminkäinen's Return" from Lemminkäinen Suite - Jean Sibelius

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With the performance Brown has been putting on in Spring Training, The Hero's Quest may yet reach its happy ending.

Ben Revere: Finale ("March of the Swiss Soldiers") from The William Tell Overture - Gioachino Rossini

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Run Rev Run.

Delmon Young: "Slightly Tipsy" from Hungarian Sketches - Bela Bartok

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If you want, you can also picture him stumbling around in right field with this in the background, instead of down the street shouting racial slurs at people...

Carlos Ruiz: "Final Dance (Jota)" from Three-Cornered Hat Suite - Manuel de Falla

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About as fun to listen to as it is to watch Chooch play...which is a lot.

BONUS BENCH PLAYER TRACKS

Erik Kratz: Fanfare for the Common Man - Aaron Copland

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Erik Kratz is from Telford, PA. Common people live in Telford, PA. You do the math.

Darin Ruf: "Hoedown" from Rodeo - Aaron Copland

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He's from Nebraska. You know he's been to one at some point.

Laynce Nix: "Bydlo" from Pictures at an Exhibition - Modest Mussorgsky

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He's built like an ox, why not have a walk-up about one? Besides, the spelling is too good to ignore.