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A New Schematic Diagram for the Impending Return of Delmon Young

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Here's one artist's rendition of what to expect when Delmon Young joins the Phillies.

Today: Rehab Assignment! Tomorrow: The NL East!
Today: Rehab Assignment! Tomorrow: The NL East!
Wet Luzinski

Baseball strategists are now abuzz with the news of Delmon Young's impending rehab assignment, and have been busy combing through historical precedents for what Phillies fans can expect with this exciting and controversial impeding addition to the roster.

Intelligence has picked up reports that, while on extended spring training, Young has made a pact with the streaking Barves to carve up the N.L. East. Little do the Barves know that he will stab them in the back and unleash his bat's fury upon them with the heat of 1,000 suns! Ha!

Oops, that part was secret. Don't tell the Barves that!

Anyway, he expects that, fueled by meat-and-cheese-and-white-bread concoctions, he will thus be able to conquer the Southland's rich abundance of fried foods and bottom-feeders to enable him to refuel for the impending wider assaults on the National and American Leagues.