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I'm Sorry, Marlins Fans

No snark here. I'm just straight up sorry.

You look like an idiot please go away.
You look like an idiot please go away.
Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE

I read an interesting article earlier today over on Yahoo! Sports about Jeffrey Loria. No, he hasn't traded anyone, or decided to use the upper deck of seats at Marlins Park as his personal grounds to hunt The Most Dangerous Game. Jeffrey Loria is meddling with the Marlins again, but this time, instead of giving manager Mike Redmond a roster of 23 below replacement level players plus Ricky Nolasco and Giancarlo Stanton, he's actually adjusting lineups himself.

That's right. Jeffrey Loria is taking it upon himself to make his team better. Of course, he's doing that by infuriating his number one starter (who has requested a trade) and making his manager look like an idiot. Because when Jeffrey Loria wants to make something better, the only way to do it is to make everyone involved extremely unhappy so he can benefit.

I know there are still Marlins fans out there. Not all of you have jumped ship to the Heat or the Dolphins or shuffleboard or canasta. So to you Marlins fans, I want to say this: I'm so sorry. I really am. I know we at The Good Phight bitch about Ruben Amaro quite a lot. And rightly so, because he really sucks. But there is always the chance that he'll fuck up so badly that he'll get fired. (The chances of that are getting greater with every passing Phillies game.) If Amaro gets fired, they'll bring in someone new, or promote from inside the organization. That's how it's supposed to work. If you don't do your job well, you get fired. Regardless of whether you're the GM or part of the grounds crew or the director of HR. Accountability is pretty great that way. But with an owner, you're kind of stuck. You can't fire an owner. He's the one that everyone is supposed to be accountable *to*. Hell, the Wilpons invested pretty much everything but their office supplies in a fraudulent ponzi scheme and the Commissioner didn't do a damn thing. Jeffrey Loria isn't going anywhere.

So I'm really sorry, you steely, dedicated Marlins fans. I'm sorry that your owner decided to build himself a giant, gaping monument to his own perceived awesomeness in stadium form. I'm sorry that he decided that the local citizens should pay for this monument because his awesomeness isn't free and he should be compensated for sharing it with you and the world. I'm sorry he's treating the Marlins new manager like that low level executive someone hires specifically to deliver shitty news to other employees.

I'm really sorry that your owner decided to invest all sorts of money and time in exciting, talented players and then cruelly trade almost all of them away like a child who breaks a new toy because it doesn't work right away. "THIS TOY ISN'T WORKING! I'M GOING TO SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!" "Um, you may want to try putting batteries in first." "GET ME A HAMMER! AND SOME VIRGINS! I MUST BATHE IN THEIR BLOOD AND CONSUME THEIR SOULS! AND ALSO A FRUIT PLATE!"

I'm sorry that your owner built you a stadium where it would be hard for even The Mighty Giancarlo Stanton to hit home runs. And I'm really sorry that he built that horrible eyesore, that gaudy outfield monstrosity that stays silent and unmoving almost all the time, just to remind you that HE makes the decisions. If he doesn't want his players to hit home runs, then they sure as shit aren't going to.

You deserve better, Marlins fans. No baseball franchise should be run this way.

Actually, come to think of it, nothing should be run this way.