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Apocalypse...NO!: Utley to DL With "Very Mild Oblique Strain"

A user's guide to the 15-Day DL.

Christian Petersen

Hey all. How's everyone's night going? Pretty good? Maybe you curled up with your loved ones and are catching up on Arrested Development before the new season -- better hurry up, it's this Sunday! Ha ha ha...ahhh. Or maybe you fired up the ol' MLB TV to watch Kevin Gausman's first start for the Orioles. Kid's got some gas -- don't look now, because the O's could catch lightning in a bottle again!

Ah, but wherever you are or whatever you're doing, I'm sure you're just having a heck of a night. It's that time of year and...what's that? A cricket is chirping, and the sun is setting. You hear some kids having just the best dang time in the yard next door, and you take a sip of your beer and smile. Things are just perfect.

Oh no you don't! Not tonight, Mabel! You're in Phillies' season now, and there are no perfect things for the Phillies because Chase Utley is broken! This isn't a joke -- DEFCON whichever number is worst, people! Tell those idiot kids to shut up and switch from beer to bourbon, quick. You're going to need it.

...Okay, in all seriousness, this is ostensibly a mild thing! Yes, Chase is on the 15-Day DL, but since when is a really terrible injury prefaced by "very mild." And the Phillies expect him back in 2-4 weeks; I'm sure Frandsen and Galvis can hold down the fort. And at least they caught it early! Boy, that MRI could not have come at a better time, huh? Yeah...all things considered, this is a pretty okay thing.

And if you believe that, I have some swamp land in Florida to sell you. THE SKY IS FALLING; LOOT ALL THE STORES AND ABANDON YOUR LOVED ONES. EVERY PERSON FOR THEMSELVES.