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Crisis on Infinite 'Bones: Red Sox at Phillies Gamethread, May 30, 2013

Let's ask for the impossible tonight.

The pitch hits the Beyonder right in his domepiece.
The pitch hits the Beyonder right in his domepiece.

So, as the few intrepid souls who read these few paragraphs I glue together with posterboard and wheatpaste will remember, last time around, I wished for a super boring, easy, and predictable win by the Phillies. Nothing fancy. And we kind of got that, if you ignore the drama of the homeruns and Dom Brown's perpetual coming out party (don't read into it). So maybe something different this time.

Yeah, I want a victory so huge, so lopsided, so masterfully done that the Red Sox and their fans speak of it only in hushed whispers around their cookstoves at night. I want a win so big that it gets a name. I want a win so fantastical that its entry gets deleted on Wikipedia because to verify it would bend the very bars of reason and good sense. I want a win that shakes the universe to its core, that smites the Higgs Boson -- a win that requires its own DC Comics Maxiseries. Infinite Innings Crisis!

...or, you know, just a lazy 7-2 cakewalk. Whatever.

Discuss the grandeur of mercilessness below.

Current Series

Phillies lead the series 2-1

Mon 05/27 WP: Alfredo Aceves (2 - 1)
LP: Tyler Cloyd (1 - 1)
3 - 9 loss
Tue 05/28 WP: Cliff Lee (6 - 2)
SV: Jonathan Papelbon
LP: Ryan Dempster (2 - 6)
3 - 1 win
Wed 05/29 WP: Kyle Kendrick (5 - 3)
SV: Jonathan Papelbon
LP: John Lackey (3 - 5)
4 - 3 win

Boston Red Sox
@ Philadelphia Phillies

Thursday, May 30, 2013, 7:05 PM EDT
Citizens Bank Park

Partly cloudy. Winds blowing out to right field at 5-10 m.p.h. Game time temperature around 85.

Complete Coverage >

Franklin Morales

#56 / Pitcher / Boston Red Sox





Jan 24, 1986

Jonathan Pettibone

#68 / Pitcher / Philadelphia Phillies





Jul 19, 1990