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Rejoice, Restless Hordes: Utley Activated, Martinez Optioned

Let this plague of Martinez be eradicated from the noble Phillies.

Thearon W. Henderson

The clouds are parting, friends, and they revealed this glorious news:

I'm not sure what to be happier about. On their own, each piece of news is pretty great. But the fact that it is Chase Utley sending Michael Martinez back to AAA, it's like combining chocolate and peanut butter. Tasty on their own, genius when combined.

Utley has been on the disabled list since May 21 with a strained right oblique. He was hitless in two rehab games (nine at-bats) with the Reading Fighting Ostriches. Or the Reading Bad Idea Name Changes. Whatever the Phillies' AA team is calling itself these days. It would have been nice for Utley to get a hit, but who cares because his oblique isn't bothering him and he's Chase fucking Utley.

Martinez has hopefully already vacated the premises (they need time to do the cleansing rituals, after all), and will be welcomed back into the stumpy, behooved arms of the Lehigh Valley IronPigs. During his time in the majors, Martinez had a triple slash of really fucking terrible/oh my God that's so bad/how are you still a major leaguer. He will not be missed.