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All Things Count: All-Star Game gamethread, July 16, 2013

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Be sure to catch the game on FOX (TM) with a cold Budweiser (TM) and the new Pitbull (TM) album playing in the background. The All-Star Game! (TM)

God, I hope this is the only time he's wearing Orange and Blue.
God, I hope this is the only time he's wearing Orange and Blue.
USA TODAY Sports

The All-Star Game advertising will have you believe that the game now counts. This is true, as the winning league will gain homefield advantage in the World Series. But don't be fooled: the All-Star Game is not the only thing that counts! Here is a list of other things that count, in various defnitions:

- Adding machines

- The various cameras and microphones tracking your every movement and thought

- Abacii

- My kickstarter for my new series of personal purchases that you can't have any of.

- The various voting machines that fairly and accurately vote in All Stars to the All Star Game

- Bud Selig's massive suspension formula

- Bud Selig's unerring vengeance

- The final three innings where the closer pitches

- The other eight innings where other schlubs pitch

- Steve Delabar's warm feeling

- Yoenis Cespedes' pounding fury

- Greg Holland's calculated revenge

- The Simpsons seasons 2-10

- Most HBO dramas

- The philosophy of GWF Hegel (except the offensive stuff)

- Insurance companies

- Twitter followers

- Bitcoins

- Dom Brown's home runs (but not David Wright's)

- Crushing failure

- But hey, also vast success!

- No sports except baseball.

This time, we might say, all things count. Count things (like runs and outs) below.


Matt Harvey

#33 / Pitcher / New York Mets

6-4

225

R

R

Mar 27, 1989



Max Scherzer

#37 / Pitcher / Detroit Tigers

6-3

220

R

R

Jul 27, 1984


Also, did you guys know it's around 100 degrees at Citi Field. Holy Moly I am glad I'm not there.