Oh I'm sorry, were you expecting a recap? I was just napping. You can figure out what happened, right? Great, I'll just go back to my nap.
Ok, fine. You came for a recap, so I'll give you a recap. The Phillies played. The Phillies lost. The end.
I'm just kidding! Tonight, Jonathan Pettibone did what he's been doing all season -- he gave up three runs in six innings. Shelby Miller, on the other hand, three-hit the Phillies through six innings. Of those three hits, two belonged to Chase Utley (he'd notch his third hit of the night in the ninth inning off of Edward Mujica).
Please read this next sentence carefully. This sentence is not about Chase Utley being traded, because that will not be happening, because I refuse to believe that it will happen. At this point, that's about all I can do. If I at any point believe it's even a possibility, I'm pretty sure I'm going to entirely lose my mind and my (albeit tenuous) grip on reality. The Phillies ended up with seven hits total and one run, which came as the result of hits four and five -- a single and a double in the seventh inning from Darin Ruf and John Mayberry, respectively. Our fighting Fightins made things interesting in the ninth inning, but a few truly crappy at-bats wasted two singles from Utley and Delmon Young.
As far as defense, if the title of this recap didn't give you enough information, allow me to present you with this:
I thought they were showing a replay, but no, Michael Young did the same thing twice.— The Good Phight (@TheGoodPhight) July 24, 2013
I'd say he's hurting his trade value, but apparently there is such a thing as the designated hitter in the American League, where a player doesn't have to field a position, they just hit. That seems like a good job for someone like Michael Young. He should really look into that.
In fact, the most interesting part of tonight's game was Sarge's Ryan Braun/PED "rant". It was bizarre and nonsensical, a mindfuck for the ears. (Earfuck just sounds weird.)
I transcribed Sarge's rambling, incoherent thoughts on Ryan Braun. It took him 3 minutes, 12 seconds to say NOTHING: pic.twitter.com/vsab0fvlr8— ryan petzar (@petzrawr) July 24, 2013
Many thanks to Ryan Petzar for sacrificing his brain cells to transcribe that insanity -- now it's preserved for the ages.
The Cardinals are just so good at everything and I hate them SO MUCH for it. I mean, I hate many individual Cardinals for a litany of reasons, but as a team they do many things well at many levels, both in the game and in the front office, and it's infuriating. Why won't they just SUCK? Just be bad for a little bit! To make me feel better! PLEASE.
This is a Fangraph of the Phillies losing to the Cardinals. You can take comfort that this time, it's not in the postseason. Of course, that brings a whole lot of other feelings into play, so it's best not to think about anything at all.