Pettibone to DL, Ramirez DFA'd, Zach Miner Selected, Papelbon Still Roams Free

Does anyone know what good news even looks like anymore?

Jonathan Pettibone has been placed on the 15-day disabled list with a right shoulder strain. He was already questionable for his start on Saturday as he was dealing with arm fatigue, but now he most definitely won't be starting. (The game. He could start something else. A game of Risk. A banana split. A book.) Tonight's starter Ethan Martin, who is taking the mound in the place of Cliff Lee and his sore neck, was officially recalled today.

JC Ramirez was designated for assignment today. He started out impressively -- 0.00 ERA in his first five appearances (4 2/3 innings). After that, the wheels came off the wagon. In his next six appearances (8 2/3 innings), he racked up an ERA of 11.42. Yikes. That is unpleasant.

Zach Miner's contract has been selected from Lehigh Valley and he'll be joining the big club. Miner signed a minor league contract with the Phillies this past December. He hasn't pitched in the majors since 2009 when he was with Detroit. This year with the IronPigs, he's started and relieved. He's started 12 games and has a 3.63 ERA in those games. He's made 15 relief appearances, and he has a 4.28 ERA in those.

Meanwhile, Jonathan Papelbon, who has violently blown six saves this season, is still at large. Anyone with information about the whereabouts of him or his talent should alert the authorities. If you see his mouth, which is presumably running, do not approach -- plug your ears and slowly back away.