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Phillies finally good at something!: Uniform rankings and aesthetics

Hey look, ma, we're at the top of the list this time!

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Chiseled chin not included in uniform.
Chiseled chin not included in uniform.
Hunter Martin

As a professional aesthete, I like to pretend that I know a little something about fashion. As any cursory search of "The Good Phight" plus "fashion" will show you, however, I am not particularly vocal about such things -- our Commander in Chief, Liz, generally takes care of this particular side street of Phillies fandom. So much for art transcending the boundaries of everyday life!

But I do try to think about fashion on a semi-regular basis in one particular facet: baseball uniforms. In short, I'm a sucker for a great uniform. I've even tried to write about it a bit, but there are always two major roadblocks: one, I'm a terrible writer; and two, I'm never going to be as good at thinking about baseball uniforms as the folks who write for Uni-Watch. To paraphrase an idiot's comment on art: I don't know uniforms, but I know that I like them in powder blue and maroon. Uni-Watch, like the Michael Fried/Damien Hirst monster-conglomeration we all deserve for our sins against taste, not only knows uniforms, but knows why my obsession with the 70's/80's Phillies/Royal color schemes is a juvenile sublimation of some deeper psychosocial urge that I cannot put a name to. It also knows what color piping the 1936 Brooklyn Dodgers had.

Anyway, you can imagine my pleasure in seeing UniWatch's recent 2013 uniform power rankings, in which the Phillies earned an admirable fourth place finish, behind only the Cardinals, the Cubs, and the Athletics. Before I get to my thoughts on the ranking, let me just say: doesn't it feel good to find the Phillies ranked highly on a list that doesn't begin "Reverse 2013 MLB Standings as of"? I get that uniform rankings are fairly trite, but you can't buy a classic look, and if the team has to be terrible, I'd rather they do it while looking great. Also: lol @ Yankees at seventh.

Anyway, I generally approve of UniWatch's thinking here. Paul Lukas, billed as the industry's only "full-time uniform reporter," clearly knows what he's talking about, and I certainly don't want to get all of my amateurish opinions up in a well-argued analysis. But I have to say -- I don't really find the Cardinals uniforms tremendously impressive. I'll admit -- this may be because I loathe the Cardinals. Though, looking at the alternate retro jersey that Lukas cites, I have to admit, I'm damn impressed. If the Phillies incorporated a classic throwback more often, I'd bet it'd leap them up the rankings. And I'll agree with Lukas on the dominance of Green and Gold -- the A's look great. But I'm afraid I can't quite follow so far as the Cubs, who only have tradition on their side. Maybe it's proximity, but I can't see them as having a better look than the Phillies.

So what do you all think? Is this a non issue? Can we take some solace in our team's timeless look? Are my opinions on baseball uniforms, art, and politics terrible? And if so, who made you boss king of fashion mountain?!

...I'll see myself out.