clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The Samson of Facial Hair: Phillies 6, Cubs 5

When I find the Delilah that shaved Kevin Frandsen's facial hair, she will pay.

"Hey Kevin, good job today. Let's be friends." "YAAY!"
"Hey Kevin, good job today. Let's be friends." "YAAY!"
Brian Kersey

You can divide today's 6-5 win over the Cubs into two parts. There's the first five innings in which the Cubs scored five runs on seven hits and two walks against Roy Halladay. Anthony Rizzo hit a solo homer in the first inning, but it was in the fourth that the wheels started coming off. Nate Schierholtz, who is clearly and rightly taunting the Phillies now, hit a solo home run. Two doubles and a walk later (though one of those doubles was the result of Roger Bernadina losing a pop-up in the sunlight), the Cubs were up 4-0. They tacked on another run in the fifth on three singles and Halladay's sweaty afternoon was done. It was apparently hotter than an erupting volcano at Wrigley today, and that mixed with his still improving (oh god I hope) arm didn't make for a good outing.

I could say more about Halladay. More things that are not good. But the Phillies won today, and I'd rather talk about the good things. Plus, I'm really at a point where my heart might break into a million tiny, unrecoverable pieces if I have to talk about him being bad again.

Through those first five innings, the Phillies had only two hits. The second part of the game, innings six through nine, were more fun. A glut of four runs in the sixth inning brought the Phillies to within one. It was wholly unexpected, since starter Jeff Samardzija had been absolutely cruising until that point. That inning included two triples, one from Chase Utley that scored two runs and one from the player I'm about to talk about...

Kevin Frandsen had himself a day today, and that's pretty freaking great considering how miserable he's been hitting lately. He didn't start the game, but came in to pinch hit for Doc in the sixth inning and stayed in when Domonic Brown was taken out due to further Achilles issues. Frandsen led off the sixth with a triple that started a barrage of scoring, and in the seventh he hit the game tying home run against Jeff Samardzija. I would also like to report that his beard is growing back in. I believe he's like Samson only with facial hair. With the hair comes offensive strength. Without it, he is but a man holding a wooden stick.

Say, did you know that Michael Young is still on the Phillies? I know! It's not that I haven't noticed that he's still here. He's been heating up a little bit, actually. And today, he had a four-hit game. Four hits! That is a lot. He even had the deciding hit of the game, the one that scored the go-head run in the ninth inning. Sure is swell that he's still here, making a difference in games that mean absolutely nothing.

At the end of the game, the incredibly attractive Sandberg family was quite excited about their patriarch's win at Wrigley Field. I believe I'd like to hang out with them. Go out to a nice restaurant, perhaps. Get a steak at Ruth's Chris with the Sandberg gang. Hell, I'd even go to an Olive Garden with them. Because, as their slogan says, then we'd be family!

Congratulations to Ryne Sandberg on beating the Cubs, the team that wouldn't hire him as their manager. I was going to call them the enfeebled Cubs, but that's how they are normally, so it's not like something specific has happened to them that has made them feeble. It's a way of life. Then again, the Phillies could be considered enfeebled, so perhaps beating the Cubs is more of an accomplishment when the team itself is pretty bad. Or maybe this, like every Cubs game this season, was a terrifying look into our future.

You know what? Just forget I said that. Congratulations to Ryne Sandberg, the end.

Source: FanGraphs

More from The Good Phight: