Say, maybe you'd heard that the Miami Marlins are a terrible organization because of Jeffrey Loria. Maybe Ken Rosenthal's latest missive comes as no surprise to you. Hey, that's great.
To the rest of us, let this serve as a friendly reminder that the Marlins are horribly run and we should feel terrible for the young talent on their team, especially Jose "The Nose" Fernandez and Giancarlo "No Need for a Nickname" Stanton. And man, we should probably feel bad for Derek Deitrich and Chris Valaika for being actively punished for revealing an ongoing situation of systematic abuse by a minor league coach handpicked by Loria. And honestly, we should feel bad for Miami. They deserve better, those tan bastards.
So tonight, I rescind my tanking preference: beat the Marlins so badly, Phillies, that Jeffrey Loria launches himself into the sun, using the rocketship hidden in his own terrible ballpark sculpture. Do it for the children.
#36 / Pitcher / Miami Marlins
May 07, 1988
#33 / Pitcher / Philadelphia Phillies
Aug 30, 1978