clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The best of Chase Utley's Twitter experience

The Chase Utley Everything is Fine tour continued this afternoon, after a brief stop at WIP yesterday to assure everyone that his recent embrace of human interaction was not for any horrifying purpose.

Chase didn't even have to practice his best unsettling pseudo-grin this time, as with Twitter, his face would be making no appearances. This was good news for Chase, and bad news for anyone who might be drawing a decent supply of their will to live from the glory of Chase Utley's face.

It was a chance to interact with everyone's favorite 131-game playing second baseman, which seems fun, and Phillies PR was ready to let you ask just about any kindly-worded, highly-censored question you could come up with.

BOOOOOOOOOOORRRRIIING. Look, we know Chase Utley by now. He's been around forever. He's as Philadelphian as mom and apple pie, if your family is from Philadelphia and your apple pie is some kind of Tastykake. We know he's got that stoic, soundless approach to baseball that makes you feel threatened, but also safe. We know he's not afraid to grind his bones into dust, and that if he had emerged from that corn field in Field of Dreams, he would have taken a bean ball without bitching to the umpire, unlike that pansy Moonlight Graham.

Look, the Phillies know we're a bunch of manic, frantic, sexually charged internet people, right? And they exposed Chase to us. This is on them. So let's ask him what we don't know.

Or, for favors and stuff. Or poems, begging for his seed. Y'know. Normal stuff.

And just like that, he was gone... probably climbed out the window when the Phillies PR reps turned their backs for a second. "So where do you want to grab lunch?" they asked, not yet realizing they were taking an order from no one.

I like to think Chase paused outside The Bank, grinned slyly, and muttered ".....soon." But I've realized lately people don't do things like that unless they want weird looks from police officers.