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Phillies Avoid Arbitration With Kyle Kendrick

It was going to happen eventually, but it was more fun pretending that it never had to.

Joe Robbins

Hey guys. Guess what!

That's just the best news ever, right?! I'm so happy right now!

Oh, wait. Yeah, I think that's a more accurate depiction of how I feel about this.

Kendrick was drafted by the Phillies in 2003, and since his debut in 2007 he's racked up an ERA of 4.38. His 2013 was a study in contrasts. In April and May, he made 11 starts and was actually pretty good with an ERA of 3.27, 45 strikeouts, and 21 walks. The next four months weren't nearly as kind to Kyle. In 19 starts between June and September, he frequently annoyed me while pitching to a 5.63 ERA. He had only 26 walks during that time, but it didn't really matter since he kept giving up runs and I kept booing every time he appeared on my TV. Yup, that right there is what earns you $7.675m contract with the Phillies. Oh, I'm sorry. A $7.675m contract PLUS AWARD BONUSES. You can't forget that part, even though you may want to.

It's not like I didn't know this was coming. It was a foregone conclusion that Kyle Kendrick would be with the Phillies in 2014. They need him, and he's perfect fit for what the 2014 Phillies will probably be. (Most signs point toward mediocre, but I'm holding out hope that they'll be a massive fiasco, like Cutthroat Island, John Carter, and The Lone Ranger all rolled up into one spectacularly entertaining disaster.) But before the deal, it was nice to pretend that the Phillies didn't need him, and that his infuriating brand of mediocrity wasn't a fit with them anymore.

Oh, well. Welcome back to the Phillies, Kyle Kendrick. I'll enjoy watching you pitch in 2014 just as much as you'd enjoy reading what I write about you.