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Dreaming of a Wells-Byrd-Abreu outfield

The Phillies were linked to Vernon Wells this offseason, probably just out of obligation to their many, many fans.

Leon Halip

When the Yankees let Vernon Wells go, it was considered a matter of sad, angry time before the Phillies popped up to show some interest in him. After initial sighs/jokes, the matter would be evaluated, with several people likely explaining that he'd be serviceable, and other people point out how he has a worse OBP than the cat outside their apartment that has pretty much taken over the abandoned phone booth.

Fortunately, we never got to that point, because the news broke days later that the Phillies were bringing back Bobby Abreu, a move that makes me nostalgic for a time I'd rather forget. If the Phillies wanted a large, immobile bat off the bench who would technically have 'OF' written next to his name because an unwritten rule in this sport is that each player should have a position that they play, they had now had one.

Stupid archaic baseball rules. ADAPT OR DIE, FOGIES.

So then, last night,

But whyyyyyyyyyy (asked John Stolnis several days ago)

Wells' OBP issues are the anti-Abreu, who could actually be good for a few touched bases. The Marlins' interest is being documented with more enthusiasm, with the Phillies not mentioned in the footnotes or anything, I'm assuming that the Fish have a better chance of getting their man, who is again, Vernon Wells.

Despite Abreu further filling out the Phillies' desperate need for older outfielders, he and Wells are actually very different players, as @joecatz explained to my dumb ass via email.

"One is a LH pure bench bat, the other is a RH hitter that plays every OF position plus 1B in a pinch. They're completely different player profiles."


Let's imagine for a moment the fun statements we could make with a Wells-Byrd-Abreu combo on the roster, or even - gasp - in the outfield all at once. Like, starting in the outfield. Wait no hear me ou

**door slam**

Wells-Byrd-Abreu Outfield

Combined age: 110

Combined WAR in past five seasons: 24

Most recent All-Star appearance: Wells AND Byrd, 2010

Combined number of games already spent as Phillies outfielders: 1,524

Combined slash line of last five years:  .258/.320/.408

Best .gifs available:

"That would never happen," said a person who, when it did in fact happen one day, could only whistle to themselves while slowly loading a revolver one chamber at a time.

There are also many times any one of these players has done a good thing on a baseball field, but the fear is that the part of their career in which they could be most beneficial to the Phillies is over.

Will the Phillies outbid the Marlins for Vernon Wells?

I wasn't actually asking, I just felt like that sentence should pretty much be all you need in the vein of a 2014 season preview.