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Jimmy Rollins probably jogs lazily to accept Roberto Clemente Award

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Somewhere, someone is having a problem with Jimmy Rollins winning an award for being a spectacular human.

Look at him, enjoying himself. STOP BEING SO LAZY.
Look at him, enjoying himself. STOP BEING SO LAZY.
Mitchell Leff

Jimmy Rollins has had a pretty busy offseason. He's been wearing cool shoes, traveling to Paris, and being stalked by vengeful hellspawn hoping to burrow into his flesh and use his warmth as an incubator for their ravenous brood.

Whoa

A photo posted by Jimmy Rollins (@jrollins11) on

Now, baseball wants to give him an award.

I know, I know; we're all screaming it. "AN AWARD?! THIS IS PHILADELPHIA," we say, for some reason feeling the need to, as always, remind people what city we're in before finishing a thought, breath, or threat. "WE DON'T CELEBRATE LOSERS IN THIS TOWN."

This is, of course, ludicrous; we celebrate losers all the time. If not celebrating losers was law in Philadelphia, 90% of us couldn't even get out of bed in the morning. Also, our sports teams lose all the f****** time and we still lick the boots of Eagles and Phillies and Flyers and Sixers who fell short.

The award Jimmy will be getting isn't coming from the people of Philadelphia anyway, thank god. It's coming from baseball writers and fans who voted that Jimmy and his co-winner, Paul Konerko, "best exemplfied the game of baseball, sportsmanship, community involvement, and the individual's contribution to his team."

We could break down stats and determine whether or not Jimmy did enough to contribute to the last place team he plays for, but doing so to a Roberto Clemente award-winner is so needless, unfriendly, and Philadelphian it makes me want to throw up*.

And it should be heartening that for the first time ever, baseball had two guys doing so much good that they couldn't just pick one of them as the winner. So, congratulations Jimmy. And Paul I guess. But let's be honest, Jimmy's charity game is on point: The Jimmy Rollins Family Foundation promotes health and welfare of children, something that is somehow not just a given, and he's been traveling to local schools this month to spread awareness of healthy eating. Do you guys know about the processed, preservative-laced, basically plastic food kids are eating these days? It's a horror movie.

Way to hustle, Jimmy.

*NOT on a small child