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Cole Hamels has gotten better at giving quotes

Damn it Cole, do you want to play for a winner or do you want to play for the Phillies?!

Please stay or go, Cole. I don't know either.
Please stay or go, Cole. I don't know either.
Jake Roth-USA TODAY Sports

Cole Hamels is in a bit of a spot. On the one hand, he'd love to go be a part of a new story on another team, appearing on the DVD yearbook of a championship season that he'll never get in Philadelphia. Maybe he'll even give a wacky answer to an interview question on that DVD! No, he probably shouldn't. Cole's jokes don't always land how he thinks they will.

Basically, his fate is held in Ruben Amaro's quivering hands. Ruben seems to possibly know what he is doing, so that's no worry. But in the mean time, Cole just kind of has to stand there and answer ridiculous questions that are only being asked to set him up to accidentally say something about wanting to leave Philadelphia, so everyone can yell at him.

So, what's he saying now?

"This has been a wonderful organization to be a part of"

--Cole Hamels


*adjusts tie*

See how easily people like me and only me can be set off by even just part of a quote that is actually mostly true? What a sad and mysterious time we live in. Let's let Cole finish his thought.

"and it's an organization that I want to be a part of for the entire career that you hopefully envision. But I do understand that they have to make tough decisions.

"And this is where I would like to be and this is where I've enjoyed all the best moments of baseball, so it's up to them and I understand it completely and I will have no hard feelings with whatever goes on."

--Cole Hamels


*is restrained by several doctors*

Sorry. Sorry. I'm good.

So basically, Cole nailed that one: Perfectly diplomatic and probably a little bit of an untruth, but that's okay. It makes us feel good inside. Better than what he said on the radio.

"As close [to perfect] as I would like would be to go to a team that wants to win," Hamels said. "... Whenever you're in the postseason, that's what you play the game for."

--via Matt Gelb of the Inquirer

That somewhat jarbled quote with a typo in it is Cole's way of saying that he'd leave us face down in the dirt first chance he gets to play for a better team. Which makes him something of a HORRID BEAST spouting DEMON'S WORDS.

*doctors and also a priest give me disapproving glances from over there*

I'm in control.

It's just awful that Cole's in this position, straddling that line that forces him to say he wants to stay, but also he'd definitely go to another team if that should happen, and pitch his heart out for them instead of acting as an embedded double agent for the Phillies, sucking on purpose to bring this league down from the inside. He's gotten a lot better at PR than he was a few years ago, when the media in this town preyed upon him like the bad-sounding sound byte machine he was.

"I can't wait for it (the season) to end. It's been mentally draining. It's one of those things where, a year in, you just can't wait for a fresh start."

--Cole Hamels, guy everyone hated for that quote

There was clearly some context to that quote, but people jumped all over him for that statement in 2009 because this is Philadelphia, where everyone works hard and no one is lazy and gosh we're so tough. Imagine how it felt to be the bad guy because Brett Myers and Philadelphia's idiotic chorus of Cole-shamers said he was. This was a season removed from him being the MVP of the World Series, mind you. But we all know how Brett Myers is the Sheriff of How Baseball Should be Played and Talked About.

So if Cole does wind up leaving, at least he will do so with a more self-aware head on his shoulders. And maybe he deserves a town that isn't trying to make him look like a jerk every time they jam a microphone in his face.


*is wrestled to ground and force-fed several medications*