UPDATE: Charlie Manuel doesn't need your hitting coach job, son

With absolutely no insight into his thought process, we are free to speculate at will just what Charlie Manuel is up to these days. Whatever it is, it's likely backed by the gentle plucking of a stringed instrument and the caress of a friendly breeze.

It is probably difficult to give it up and dive back into the high stakes world of coaching Major League Baseball. And with the way the Phillies sacrificed their hitting coaches to Baseba'al when things would go bad (Milt Thompson) he may not see the position as particularly stable.

So it's not totally surprising to see previous rumors of his return to a pro team's coaching dissolving into nothing.

Charlie Manuel has declined the Orioles offer to be their new hitting coach. The Orioles are scaling down list. Hope to have a hire by Jan 1

— Dan Connolly (@danconnollysun) December 18, 2014

Sorry, Orioles. Looks like you'll have to find some other sucker to blame for your lineup losing Nick Markakis and Nelson Cruz. This July, it'll be someone else's name in the "____ job in jeopardy?!??!?" headlines in the Baltimore Sun.

Or maybe he managed such a delightful, perfect squad of young players that no other team could satisfy him anymore. That's probably what it is. No one look into this matter any further because I think we just figured out the reason at the heart of it. Everyone go home. Journalism is now closed.