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Announcing the Official The Good Phight 2014 Winter Meetings Drinking Game

The Winter Meetings are finally upon us. While the Phillies might or might not make any moves during those meetings--hey! that would make a good Winter Meetings Phillies rumor--they will certainly be the subject of much speculation and rumor-making. To add a little excitement to the rumors, The Good Phight presents its Official 2014 Winter Meetings Drinking Game.

Party Like Papelbon!
Party Like Papelbon!
Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports

As Cormican brought to our attention on Tuesday with his preview of the Rule 5 Draft, baseball's annual Winter Meetings are set for next week. More specifically, these meetings run from tomorrow, Sunday, December 7th, through next Thursday, December 11th.

Because key front office members from all 30 Major League teams attend these meetings, there are typically a flurry of rumors, non-rumors, redacted rumors, free agent signings, and trades. Additionally, the Winter Meetings are a known destination for degree-bearing go-getters hoping to, through a firm handshake and appropriate eye-contact, land a low-paying, temporally-demanding job as an entry level minion for a major league team. If you've been paying attention for the past week or so, the issue of teenagers and other non-professional story-breakers breaking stories has been gaining some steam as these naive whippersnappers uncritically lend credence to anyone masquerading as a "source." Expect these circles of over-ambitious, under-aged job seekers and aspiring Ken Rosenthals to overlap in comedic ways.

With a professed intention to rebuild and a glut of veteran players without a role on the eventually rebuilt team, the Phillies figure to be involved in many internal discussions, active shopping trips, and salary eating sessions. It's going to be a lot to keep up with. However, most of the stories and rumors to emerge from the Winter Meetings will be either about players you've never heard of or offer no discernable insight regarding the fates of players you have heard of, i.e., "the Phillies will answer the phone if someone calls asking about Marlon Byrd," i.e., "the Phillies have not talked to the Twins about Cole Hamels."

Fortunately, we here at The Good Phight have created a Phillies-centric drinking game to make the string of senseless rumors bearable and, hopefully, by the end of an active night, downright entertaining. So, get your fridges and liquor cabinets stocked, bring your flask to work, and keep a bottle of ibuprofen on your nightstand: it's going to be a busy week.

The Official The Good Phight Winter Meetings Drinking Game

Take One Sip:

  • If Phillies are said to be "willing to discuss" a player in their employ.

  • If the Phillies are "actively shopping" any of Ryan Howard, Jonathan Papelbon, Marlon Byrd, Chase Utley, or Jimmy Rollins.

  • When any trade rumor involving Domonic Brown is reported.

  • When the Phillies sign a player over the age of 33

  • When the Phillies are characterized as a rebuilding team.

  • When the Phillies are reported to having not met with a free agent player

Take Two Sips:

  • When Phillies are having discussions with a team regarding Cole Hamels.

  • When a reporter points out Jonathan Papelbon's declining velocity.

  • When the Phillies sign a free agent to a minor league contract.

  • When someone reports that Phillies aren't looking to make any major changes

  • When the Phillies are said to be looking to get younger

  • When the Phillies select a player in the Rule 5 Draft

  • When the Phillies lose a player to another team in the Rule 5 Draft

  • If you convince yourself that the Phillies might be a cited "Mystery Team" in a rumor

Finish Your Drink:

  • If a Fangraphs writer suggests trading Cole Hamels straight-up for a journeyman utility infielder or non-prospect.

    • Down a second drink if the proposal includes the Phillies eating a portion of Hamels' salary.

  • Whenever Ruben Amaro is described as demanding too much in return for his players.

  • When the Phillies actually trade someone on their 40-man roster.

  • When a high-school student breaks a story

    • Have a second drink if said story was factually incorrect.

  • When the Phillies sign a free-agent to a major league contract.

  • When a rumored signing/trade reminds you of the existence of a previously forgotten former Phillie.

  • When a national reporter describes the Phillies as either delusional or directionless

There you have it, folks: The Good Phight's Official 2014 Winter Meetings Drinking Game. As always, please drink responsibly, or, if you're going to drink irresponsibly, don't drive anywhere. Stay hydrated, friends, and enjoy what is sure to be a fun week of Winter Meetings.