Catz Corner: An open letter to fans of teams that don't want to give up anyone for Cole Hamels

Dear FATTWBBTTPTY (fan of another team that will be better than the Phillies this year,

I know what you're thinking right now. Please (INSERT GM NAME HERE), for the love of god, don't trade (INSERT NAME OF TOP PROSPECT WHO I KNOW IS THE NEXT MIKE TROUT) in a package for Cole Hamels! Overpay for Jon Lester! Sign James Shields! Trade (OUTFIELDER WITH ONE YEAR LEFT ON HIS DEAL OR SOMEONE ELSE WITH NAME RECOGNITION AND A BAD CONTRACT) for (PITCHER WHO IS NOWHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS COLE HAMELS) instead!!

I've been there buddy. I get your pain. But I want to let you in on a little secret: you're going to love watching Cole Hamels pitch for the next few years until his arm falls off and his contract is too expensive for his ability. He's going to help your team make a run at the World Series, and in a few years you'll look back and realize that that guy you didn't want to give up probably wasn't as good as you thought he was going to be.

Trust me here. Phillies fans have been on both sides of this fence.  The phrase, "at least he kept Dom Brown" has been used so many times for us that we have almost forgotten by now that Dom Brown was once the top prospect in baseball. Untouchable. Boy, I'm sure glad we never overpaid to keep him around. It worked out perfectly.

But the other ten or twelve guys we gave up, well, they haven't exactly lit the world on fire, and, honestly, I have so many fond memories of Halladay and Lee and even that goofball Hunter Pence that secretly I wouldn't trade the run we made for anything.

Hamels is magical. He's handsome, and he's a game changer. He instantly makes your team better, and you can afford him, whether you believe it or not. And the bitter truth is that the chances are much greater that you win this trade regardless of whether you give up that one guy, or both of those guys, or the other four guys you hope we take instead. Because if you're lucky, your guy MIGHT turn out to be as valuable as Cole Hamels.

But Cole Hamels is Cole Hamels now.

Watching Cole Hamels pitch for someone else is going to be worse than the time Katie Porter dumped me my senior year to go out with Mike Dolan and I accidentally walked behind the Gym at school and saw them making out. Sure, I was dating Jennifer Moffit at the time, and Jennifer Moffit was quite the looker. But Jennifer Moffit was no Katie Porter. I imagine that's how it will feel when (INSERT PROSPECT WE CAN'T BELIEVE WE ACTUALLY GOT FOR COLE HAMELS) shows flashes of potential for years but never quite fulfills his promise.

So relax, enjoy the ride. It ends sooner than you think, and the cycle starts all over again.

Catz Out.