A.J. Burnett signs one-year deal with Phillies

Ruben Amaro reiterated his intention to not make anymore big moves. Which obviously leads to:

Hearing Arkansas native A.J. Burnett has reached a one year deal with the Philadelphia Phillies. @THV11

— Hayden Balgavy (@HaydenBalgavy) February 12, 2014

Deal is reportedly one year for 16 million. #MLB #Phillies

— Hayden Balgavy (@HaydenBalgavy) February 12, 2014

Is it a thing? No other media is mentioning any deal. And it's not like Ruben Amaro would lie right to the media's face or anything.

And then, it was confirmed.

...

My god.

Their poor faces.

Burnett, a Baltimore County resident, doesn't want to wander too far from home now that he's not retiring. That meant the teams in contention by default would be the Orioles, Phillies, and Nationals. So that adds up.

He'll add a stabilizing, legitimizing presence to the middle of the rotation that will now feature less questions going into spring training about MAG, Pettibone, etc.

The 37-year-old Burnett has spent the last two years with the Pirates, amounting a 3.41 ERA, 1.228 WHIP, and a 3.02 SO/BB. He helped the Buccos break their 20-year sucking streak last season.

Said Ruben Amaro, "I signed Burnett because he's old. I only sign old players. Old old old. Did you see those other old players I signed? They're all old. #old."

HAW HAW HAW SICK BURN(ett).