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Three Aces - Phillies 3, Dodgers 2

Cliff Lee pitched an awesomeness last night. Cole Hamels comes back tomorrow. And tonight, AJ Burnett pitched like it was 2009.

I don't care how bad his jump was, he makes this shit look FUN.
I don't care how bad his jump was, he makes this shit look FUN.
Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports

AJ Burnett pitched in and out of trouble, but finished six and two thirds innings against a strong LA lineup, leading the Phillies to a 3-2 win over the Dodgers. Scattering six hits and a walk through his [almost] seven innings, Burnett was charged with two runs, and struck out five, including his 2,200th strikeout.

He also got three hits.

The Phillies' offense was led by Ben Revere and Burnett himself, as the two combined for 93 singles, and, between them, scored two of the three runs.

On Burnett's first single to right, right fielder Yasiel Puig made an ill-advised, and super obnoxious, throw to first in a stupid attempt to nail the relatively slow-moving Burnett. Burnett was safe by a boatlength, and calmly suggested Puig "chill out."


After four scoreless, the Phils struck for two in the fifth. Burnett led off with a hit (his second), Revere singled him to second (his second), Marlon Byrd drilled a double to left, scoring Burnett. Ryan Howard then poked a sac flyto left, scoring Revere. This ended an 18-inning scoreless streak by Dodgers' pitcher Hyun-Jin Ryu.

The Dodgers would get one back in the bottom of the fifth (LOL). Catcher Tim Fedorkowhich led off with a double, moved to third on a 3-0 bunt by pitcher Ryu, and scored on a sac fly by Carl Crawford. They tied it up in the seventh, after CRAZYFASTMAN Dee Gordon started off with a double and pinch-hitter Justin Turner drove him home. That was all for Burnett, and Jake Diekman came on to finish the frame.

Also, Rob Brooks is terrible at radio.

Scoreless innings by BE MILDLY ANNOYED BY THE BEARD and Dutch-Norwegian Guy brought things to the tenth inning and J.P. '2008 World Series Losing Pitcher' Howell.

Ruiz reached second on a Bad-News-Bears-style error by Carl Crawford, bringing up Domonic Brown. Man, though, why aren't these embeddable. Anyway, boom. 3-2 lead.

Then, with a runner on second and one out, manager Ryne Sandberg wisely went to his bench, pinch-hitting all-star Chase Utley for weakass Jayson Nix, because as everyone knows, Chase Utley is the best.

Except, for unknowable reasons, he didn't. He left Nix to bat, with a runner on second, against LA, in a one-run game in extra innings.

What. The. Fuck.

Into the bottom of the tenth, because Jayson Nix is terrible. Jonathan 'Lights On' Papelbon came on, and, surprisingly, pitched a perfect tenth, "earning" the save, and securing the win. That's enough about him.

With the win (WINNING STREAK!!!!), the Phillies improve to 10-10. FIVE HUNDRED BABY HELL YEAH. Game three of this four-game series is tomorrow night, featuring the 2014 debut of Cole Hamels, who has returned from the gates of hell to deliver us from this hellscape. The Dodgers have some scrub named Zack Greinke going tomorrow, so that should be a straight laffer.


Source: FanGraphs


Albert Pujols made a bit of history today, hitting his 499th and 500th career homeruns off the Washington Nationals' Taylor Jordan. Clearly, having FHOFRI Raul Ibanez hitting behind Pujols has been helping the former Cardinal.

Good night.