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Busch Stadium suffering from horrible moth epidemic

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'Baseball Heaven' has been overwhelmed by a plague of ravenous moths.

Cameron Spencer

St. Louis seems like an okay town. Somewhere had to be the last bastion of civility before the plummet into the midwest's endless wilderness. And hey, how about that giant parentheses they've got. A lot of history in that large, curved structure. I'll bet.

The Phillies are learning something new about St. Louis, however, as last night, it became clear that Busch Stadium is now in complete control of the moths.

Even more devastating than the presumably multiple choking deaths caused by the intense moth layer was that it happened the night A.J. Burnett's grandmother came out to see him pitch for the first time in his 14-year career. The poor woman doesn't travel well, you see, and just wanted to see her grandson play the game he loves, but wound up part of a biblical plague.

Fortunately, this is St. Louis, the center point of happiness in the universe. Obviously, if there's a problem, like an insect swarm clogging all the breathable air, there is more than likely going to be a solution, or at least sympathy.

"The surprising thing about it is nobody really said anything about it."

--Ryne Sandberg, via Phillies.com

On top of that, fans seem to be just moments away from crashing through the delicate barrier between fans and players.

Oh yes, sir, definitely - definitely reach right over that railing and grab that live ball.That's your right, as a ticket-carrying fan. I believe that's written in the Busch Stadium ground rules:

"Everyone can just do whatever shit they feel like, all of the time, regardless of laws and stuff."