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His Name Is Bert: Marlins 4, Phillies 0

Bert Hernandez. It has a nice ring to it. Oh and also the Phillies lost.

Look, it's two of my favorite players in the same shot! Hi Chase! Hi The Mighty Giancarlo! You guys are awesome.
Look, it's two of my favorite players in the same shot! Hi Chase! Hi The Mighty Giancarlo! You guys are awesome.
Drew Hallowell

Why do you do this to us, Phillies? Why?

The Phillies lost, but they didn't just lose. They looooooooost. To the Marlins!

The offense failed to do, well, anything against Nathan Evoaldi and the Marlins. No runs, six hits, and just two walks. Two. Someone needs to remind the Phillies that walking leads to scoring. That's not something that Ruben Amaro will tell them, that's for sure. They had only three chances today with men in scoring position. The offense was just baffled by Evoaldi, and the Phillies continue to righteously suck at home. Tonight was their eighth shutout at home, their 10th total.

The Marlins bookended their runs -- two in the first inning off of Roberto Hernandez, and two in the ninth inning off of Antonio Bastardo. Well, they were technically off of Bastardo.

Yeah. Those first two runs would have been enough, but the Marlins tacked on those two unearned runs at the end for good measure. Well, it wasn't all Marlins. The Phillies' defense certainly helped them out.

There were some exceptions to tonight's overall suck fest. Cody Asche went 3-for-3, and appears to be seeing the ball extremely well. This is really good news. Or, well, it would be if everyone else in the Phillies lineup hadn't started on a slump as soon as he returned. Maybe they should let Roberto Hernandez do more hitting!

Hernandez not only got his first major league hit ever, after nine years in the majors, he also pitched well for six innings. You typically want your starter to go deeper into games, and throw fewer pitches (104 in six innings, yeesh), but after 14 starts I think we all have to come to terms -- this is who Bert Hernandez is. Expecting more out of him is foolhardy. Foolhardy, I tell you! He will give up some runs and not go very deep. (Into games, I mean.) That's who he is.

We should all take a moment and talk about Domonic Brown. I know you don't want to, but just like taxes and parent-teacher conferences and STD testing, it's unavoidable. Dom did at least draw a walk tonight, but that's where the good really ends.

In the ninth inning, instead of diving for a ball that he probably could have gotten, he stopped short and played it on a bounce. Did it matter in the long run? No. The Phillies didn't mount a rally and they lost. But at this point, it's not really about that. What happened to the player we saw last year? What happened to the player that I've been defending since (seemingly) time immemorial? Come back to us, Domonic Brown. I know you're in there. The player we all love is in you. Let him out! Let him play! I don't want to call you this, but you've really earned it, buddy.

There are still good things happening out in the bullpen, though right now I'm only concerned with a flamethrower by the name of Ken Giles. Perhaps you've heard of him? He cannot be stopped. He faced down The Mighty Giancarlo Stanton, and won. He didn't just live to tell the tale, he WON. That's worthy of some locker room bragging and strutting. Get it, Giles.

Feast or famine is what I said that way back at the beginning of the season. That's the way the Phillies' season would go in 2014. I really had no idea how right I'd be.

Source: FanGraphs