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Cole Hamels to Canada: No way

If your weirdly specific fears include Cole Hamels bolting in the night to Canada, then rest easy, friend.

Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

Trade rumors are coming and you're about to crank on that hot stove, whether you want to or not. But look out, you haven't used your stove in forever and its full of spiders! Run!

Kenny "Every Rose has its Thals" Rosenthal was bringing the hot hot heat last evening following the Phillies' needlessly lengthy loss in extra innings to the Marlins:

Rosenthal and Morosi were doing that thing where they both talk to sources together, simultaneously, due to FOX Sports' Non-negotiable Buddy System.

Hamels may not be quite so dramatic as A.J. Burnett, who would have qualms about being traded out of the tri-state area, but apparently '21' is the number of teams the Phillies typically allow their no-trade clauses to reach.

Assumptions as to why Hamels would do this are already out there, and they are sizzling with hot takedness. They also do not matter.

The point is, Hamels, is one of the less likely trade options for the Phillies who A. Refuse to consider the complete rebuild that would likely lead to Hamels being swapped for multiple sweet, sweet prospects B. Have muttered out loud that if they were to enter a "transition period" they would be likely to hang onto Chase Utley and Hamels to serve as babysitters and C. Have Cliff Lee to offer to teams who want starting pitching.