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The Rains of Walksamore: Braves 8, Phillies 2

The Phillies outhit the Braves, but thanks to seven walks and two hit batsmen, the Braves walked all over them.

An empty beer can and some peanut shells: The 2014 Phillies Video Yearbook
An empty beer can and some peanut shells: The 2014 Phillies Video Yearbook
Jason Getz-USA TODAY Sports

Kyle Kendrick pitched a perfect first inning today, going against all expectations, having carried a first-inning ERA of 11.37 in to the game. Unfortunately, he traded his bad luck in the first for bad luck in the rest of the game.

In the second, after a John Mayberry homer put the Phils up 1-0, the Braves' Unsustainability Johnson answered back with a two run shot. But it was the third where things got out of hand.

B.J. Upton led off with a walk. Andrelton Simmons grounded out. Freddie Freeman was hit by a pitch. Justin Upton was hit by a pitch. Jason Heyward walked with the bases loaded. Johnson lined out, and Tommy La Stella hit a three-run double. Scottish flied out.

Four runs on one hit, and they stranded a runner to boot. What the fuck.

Kendrick would muddle along through the fifth, allowing no further damage, but the Phils' batters made little to no progress off Braves' starter Alex Wood.

In the sixth, then, the rains came. I believe this was mentioned on the radio, but Tywin Lannister stopped by and razed Citizen's Bank Park to the ground, killed the smallfolk and put the villages to the torch. Then he salted the fields and finally, to add insult to injury, killed a Stark.

My memory might be a bit hazy on that, as I wasn't taking notes, but you get the idea.

In any event, after roughly an hour and a half of rain, Mario Hollands came on to pitch in slightly less offensive rain. Hollands apparently was inflicted with Kendrickitis, though, and pitched a remarkably Kendrickian inning.

La Stella struck out. Scottish walked. Jordan Schafer walked. B.J. Upton walked, loading the bases. Simmons walked, scoring Laird. Freeman, mercifully, didn't walk, but his single had the same effect. Tyler Pastornicky struck out. Heyward flew out.

Two runs on one hit, and the left the bases loaded. What the fuck.

The Braves would score no more, but certainly wouldn't need to, as the Phils' offense managed only a more-or-less meaningless 9th inning run on a homer by Marlon Byrd.

Something worth noting: The Phils out-hit Atlanta 9-8, but were out-walked 9-0 (including the two HBPs). Six of the Braves' runs came from runners reaching on those free-passes. That's not being beaten, that's beating yourself. It would have saved everyone a lot of trouble today if they'd just forfeited the game and had about the same effect.

Fangraph of Shit

Source: FanGraphs

The loss drops the Phils to 43-55. They return home tomorrow night and will send a rehabbed Cliff Lee to the mound against Ryan Vogelsong of the San Francisco Giants.