On Strike: I'm Not Going to Any More Phillies Games

Dear Phillies:

I am on strike. I am not going to CBP any more this year. I do have tickets to see a game in the Pirates series, but those were free.  I looked on Stubhub tonight, and I found nothing under $20.00 in locations where I want to sit (sections 206-211).  I think there is a BOGO Mastercard promo Friday, but I am going to Hersheypark with my family instead.  I'd rather play Skeeball and classic coin-op arcade games than watch the Phillies lose for the seventy-somethingth time this season. Saturday shows nothing in the range I am willing to pay in the areas where I will sit (without cheating by buying a crappy seat and sneaking into another section - I don't do that, because I am a rule follower).

Parking is about $20.00.  I have to drive about 100 miles each way, which is 56 cents per mile, or $112.00. I have Turnpike tolls to pay.  I'll end up spending $40.00 on concessions, which won't buy enough beer to give me the goggles necessary to find this team attractive. Paying more than $20.00 a ticket for two seats makes this a $200.00 proposition for me.

I'd rather get mugged and have someone steal the $200.00 from me. It would be faster and less painful.

Spending 7 hours going to a game is not an attractive proposition when it means that I get to watch your idiot manager keep a wild pitcher in for 125 pitches to ensure that those last two runs come home to push the win expectancy from 6.5% to 1.8%. Did he leave a chicken in the oven or something? A little time for an obviously needed pitching change is something I am happy to accept.

On my Twitter feed, which includes probably 20 people live tweeting about the game, from SABR nerds to casual "Yay, Guys!" fans to the #Felony #Fraud guy, there was universal condemnation of this decision. It was along the lines of international opinion after Hitler invaded Poland.  We're talking broad-based consensus here.

What the hell was Sandberg thinking?

I hate seeing Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins playing for a team that is dead in the water.  They deserve better.  Give them to a good home.  In the hinterlands where I live, you need to know how to put down a lame animal.  Take Ryan Howard out behind the stadium and, well, maybe you should just release him. It's less messy that way. I guess it isn't productive to complain about "Should of traided" at this point.  It is what it is, and if the deals were bad, they were bad.

Oh, I'll be back next year.  I see J.P. Crawford in the minors. Roman Quinn has caught my eye again after returning from his injury.  I asked Cormican the name of another hot prospect, and in his dark brown voice, he said, "NOLA. N-O-L-A, NOLA."  I see the team not chasing B.J. Upton, Michael Bourn, and Josh Hamilton. I see something being made out of nothing in the Roberto Hernandez signing and trade. Every day, I tear a page off of my officially licensed "Ryan Howard's Contract (tm) Calendar".

Each outing, Kenny Giles is that much closer to shouting, "YOU'RE FUCKING OUT!" When he does, I will die. I will literally die.

I mean, there's stuff here that could work out. But there's a whole lot of suck ahead, too. To your credit, Phillies, you haven't made it worse than what was already coming.

Maybe I even see some #EMRACETHETANK in all of this.  If you are going to be bad, you might as well be really fucking bad. Another year, another protected pick!  Look out, 2017!

But I'm not paying $200.00 to go to a game.  No. Fucking. Way.  I've got things to do.  I don't have a Fight Club urge to get punched in the face so I can feel alive.

Look. If you folks dump more tickets on Stubhub, I will come. I will buy parking. I will buy overpriced concessions. Lord knows I will need to slork down enough beer to make it bearable.  Hell, I'll probably have to buy another ticket for my designated driver. You'll make the money back, and then some.

In my irrational world, I will pay $200.00 for three people to go, but not two.  Or I will pay $180.00 to go, but not $200.00.  I don't "feel" the mileage part of it as much, though the rational part of me does. What I "feel" is the ticket price. You'll bleed the parking, food, and merchandise out of me.  Hell, I'm obligated to buy my customized "TARTABULL - 45" jersey this year, anyway.

I understand that discounting, from the retailer's standpoint, is hard to undo. You don't want to go down that route. But you also don't want an increasingly dead, empty stadium.  It's not like Sections 206 - 211 are hotspots.  Cut a little in the upper decks, hold fast on the bowels of the bowl, and put some fannies in the seats.  At least it will be a little more lively as the 2014 Phillies slowly circle the drain like a turd that just won't flush.

If you don't, I'll see you next year, because the Pirates game is it for me.