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Hello, and welcome to the 2014 Phillies Troubleshooting Guide. Please check below for answers to some of our most common questions before contacting us at [LINE DISCONNECTED; ADD NEW NUMBER, -ED].
Q: Did the Phillies win tonight?
A: No, the Phillies did not win tonight, as they were shut out by the Washington Nationals and good but often underrated pitcher Jordan Zimmermann.
Q: Did they at least lose respectably?
A: Unfortunately, your 2014 Phillies did not lose respectably. In fact, they only mustered five hits, struck out 11 times and allowed eleven runs. We are sorry for this inconvenience!
Q: Are the Nationals at least good?
A: The 2014 Washington Nationals are pretty good.
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>LA - "I don't think I'll stop saying it till the season's over, but I think this Washington Nationals team has vastly underachieved"</p>— Franzke & LA (@FranzkeLA) <a href="https://twitter.com/FranzkeLA/statuses/495710420846780416">August 2, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Not great anyway.
Q: Are there any bright spots?
A: Marlon Byrd and Grady Sizemore went 2-4 and Mario Hollands and Antonio Bastardo both struck out two guys.
Q: Shouldn't all of those guys be traded by this point?
A: n/a
Q: That isn't an answer.
A: And that isn't a question.
Q: Fine. So what are the really bad parts of this game?
A: Well, Ryne Sandberg and AJ Burnett both got tossed for arguing balls and strikes. Also somehow Burnett gave up 5 runs with only one earned. Oh, and Phillipe Aumont imploded in a way usually reserved for notable supernovas and teenage television stars. Oh also Anthony Rendon stole Chase Utley's soul and skill and now is him.
Q: Shoot, that's pretty bad. This team is pretty bad.
A: <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Franzke - "Larry this is not going well" LA - "It's not going well" <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Phillies?src=hash">#Phillies</a></p>— Franzke & LA (@FranzkeLA) <a href="https://twitter.com/FranzkeLA/statuses/495727919806050306">August 3, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Q: What is there to look forward to at this point?
A: Well, the Phillies could take three of four from the Nats in tomorrow's game. And most of the August trade chips had decent games. And the sun will probably rise tomorrow, and there's always something to find in every day that can make you wonder. Oh, and the Oakland Athletics look like a pretty fun team, and the AL West in general is just a blast. And someday someone will love you and give you their heart and maybe start a life with you. Or not, if that's not your thing.
Who knows? This is a Phillies FAQ; we don't really do optimism.
Q: Well, give me something to smile about.
A: Not a question, but...Scott and Larry?
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Franzke - "So you never officially retired?" LA - "Not officially. I was hoping to do it on the Weather Channel" <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Phillies?src=hash">#Phillies</a></p>— Franzke & LA (@FranzkeLA) <a href="https://twitter.com/FranzkeLA/statuses/495744597507997696">August 3, 2014</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>LA -"We need two coffees and twelve runs" <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/Phillies?src=hash">#Phillies</a></p>— Franzke & LA (@FranzkeLA) <a href="https://twitter.com/FranzkeLA/statuses/495738961646862339">August 3, 2014</a></blockquote>
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<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Franzke - "I can see my house from here" LA - "Is it that big white house?" Franzke - "Larry, you know that house belongs to all of us"</p>— Franzke & LA (@FranzkeLA) <a href="https://twitter.com/FranzkeLA/statuses/495723628697497601">August 3, 2014</a></blockquote>
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Q: Phew thanks. Hey was Darin Ruf really playing third?
A: Thanks for reading the Phillies Troubleshooting FAQ! That's the end. No more answers. Definitely not to that.
<iframe src="http://www.fangraphs.com/graphframe.aspx?config=0&static=944525&type=livewins&num=0&h=450&w=450&date=2014-08-02&team=Nationals&dh=0" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" height="450" width = "450" style="border:1px solid black;"></iframe><br /><span style="font-size:9pt;">Source: <a href="http://www.fangraphs.com/livewins.aspx?date=2014-08-02&team=Nationals&dh=0&season=2014">FanGraphs</a></span>
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