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Subway demands tribute at Little League World Series

The chain restaurant was adamant that its terrible food be included in any stories about Ryan Howard visiting with the Taney Dragons players.

Mitchell Leff

Ryan Howard is one of the central figures of a bad Phillies season; not performing well, constantly criticized for a plethora of undeserved reasons, and probably in some kind of pain most days. But he took many hours out of his off day to travel through the deranged, lawless lands of Central Pennsylvania and arrive in Williamsport to serve as inspiration to the Taney Dragons.

He did so wearing a Subway t-shirt, so that everyone knew the event was Subway-sponsored, and while hanging out with kids, they could benefit from him subliminally getting people to buy shitty food from an awful restaurant.

Those not familiar with Subway may need some clarification. Subway chooses to ally itself with pro athlete spokespersons, such as Howard, Mike Trout, Apollo Ono, Mia Hamm, and others. They do so in an attempt to come across as the healthy alternative to fast food, when in reality, they are just another peddler of toxic plastic crap masquerading as "food."

Having infiltrated the Little League World Series via Howard's visit, Subway moved swiftly, knowing there was only limited time to worm their way into as many brains as possible. That's why they sent their ace ballbuster to make sure writers, who have no obligation to follow Subway's demands, to be a dick to everyone.

Some people and ill-tempered dog shit sandwich merchants seem to have forgotton what LLWS is all about, which our Supreme Blog Lord summed up in a single somewhat ominous tweet after Taney's Kai Cummings hit a home run so far even the other team's first baseman gave him a high-five.

Subway blows.