clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

The Phillies say goodbye to John Mayberry Jr.

New, 7 comments

John Mayberry has been swapped out for a Blue Jays prospect, ending his Phillies legacy of "2011" and "an attempted mermaid seduction."

Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Well, at least the Phillies can say they traded someone other than Roberto Hernandez. They can say that because it's true. Last night the Phillies traded perennial fourth outfielder John Mayberry Jr. to the Toronto Blue Jays. In exchange, the Phillies received Gustavo Pierre, a minor league third baseman.

I approve of that. In exchange for Mayberry? Hell yes.

But we are not here to cheer Gustavo Pierre. We are here to say goodbye to John Mayberry Jr.

Mayberry hadn't been a Phillie his entire career, but it certainly seemed that way. He was drafted by the Rangers in 2005, and was acquired by the Phillies at the end of 2008. He debuted in the majors in 2009, but it was his 2011 season that caused people to take notice. He hit .273/.341/.518 that year, in part due to his absolutely insane numbers against left-handed pitching (.306/.358/.595).

Back in September of 2011, The New York Post's gossip column, Page Six, reported that Mayberry had asked to be set up with one of the mermaids from Pirates of the Caribbean. The email his agent sent to the mermaid's agent (note: she is not a real mermaid) is unbelievably awkward, as is this entire story.

Close-minded people everywhere felt obligated to speak on Mayberry's private aquatic interests. Let's clear this up once and for all - she wasn't even a real mermaid guys. Sorry if that got too real for you, America.

Besides, his contributions were far too plentiful to be limited to one single, presumably unsuccessful, pursuit of a fake fish woman.

In 2011, on Opening Day, thanks to the power of a dark sorceror child summoning powers from the netherworld, Mayberry was the walk-off hero.

Later that year, as everybody was brushing their teeth, Mayberry did the thing that is why everybody says you watch until the end [Mayberry heroics feat. Shane Victorino].

In June 2013, he hit another walk-off hit, this time a grand slam, which while fun, was highly unnecessary as the team needed only one run to win. Freaking Mayberry, wasting our precious runs. He seemed all too eager to hit a one-run home run earlier in the game, which tied it at three and sent it to extras.

In the end, they just had too many outfielders to go around.

I was always pretty "meh" on JMJ. His 2011 numbers didn't wow me, and I was pretty sure he was going eventually. My adorable German grandmother has had a crush on John Mayberry Jr. since 2011. I need to call her to make sure she's doing OK.

Best of luck to you, John Mayberry Jr.