9:05PM EST. Score: Game not started--"Oh crap! I forgot I signed up for this game. Why couldn't I just leave this to Phrozen? He always takes this West Coast garbage. Well, gotta go bike to somewhere with a TV. Hey, where's my headlight? Must have been stolen while I was at work today. When I bought that, the Phillies were a winning baseball team, probably. We've had a good run, headlamp. Wherever you are...
9:35PM EST. Score: Game not yet started--"This is going to be late. I'm going to fall asleep. Correction, the Phillies will put me to sleep and my body won't object. Hopefully I can put something coherent together for The Good Phight."
9:55PM EST. Score: 0-0--"OMG Franco really can defend well enough to play 3B. Now all he has to do is get a hit or two and he'll be the best player on the team. That first inning was painless. Keep going like this with a Sizemore solo shot in the 8th and we'll be out of here in no time!"
10:16PM EST. Score: 2-0 A's--"Why am I doing this? I could have just let Phrozen take this. Because of his geographical location, he could easily stay awake for this."
10:27PM EST. Score: 3-0 A's--"C'mon Chooch. Stop fouling the damn ball off. This is the reason everyone says games take too long--all these patient hitters. If everyone adopted the approach I take in MLB: The Show and just swing at everything, we'd be out of here in no time."
10:40PM EST. Score: 3-0 A's--Hey! It's the 4th already! I must have dozed off a little bit there. What's happening here? Some guy is hitting the ball very far. Wow, that's Ryan Howard. Dead centerfield. Last time that happened, I had probably just purchased my bike headlight. I'll get a new one tomorrow to commemorate this home run." Score: 3-1 A's.
11:06PM EST. Score: 3-1 A's--Where has the time gone? Oops, fell asleep again. This'll be the last time I make this mistake. Davey B. is still on the mound. We all realize that he's the next Kyle Kendrick, right? Dude comes in and pitches better than he ought to for couple months and achieves an organizational emeritus position with seemingly annual raises.
12:01AM EST. Score: 3-1 A's-- Yowza! Now that was a nap right there. Luckily, it doesn't look like much happened. Dodged a bullet there. Only two innings until we're in the clear.
12:13 AM EST. Score: 3-1 A's--Recapping this game reminds me of my one attempt at running a marathon to date. It starts out really well, feeling comfortable through the halfway mark, maybe even longer. Around the 5th inning, or 15 miles, you start to feel a little discomfort, but convince yourself it's nothing to worry about. 7th inning, mile 20, it's become abundantly clear that an aggressive early pace was more than you could handle. Gone are hopes of sub-2:50, gone are hopes of sub-3:00, even. This has become a battle of survival. I've been reduced to hobble-jogging and accepting the pity-cheers from spectators. You know what, screw this. I'm dropping out.
That last point, my friends, sadly represents the one difference between that marathon attempt and this recap--I can't drop out of this. Baseball won't let me. I'm stuck. Luckily, it took me a half inning to write this paragraph, so I'm a half inning away from freedom.
12:32 AM EST. Score: 3-1 A's--Grady Sizemore up with 2 outs in the 9th. Good call letting these young guys bat in critical situations; really builds character. Sizemore faced a clear choice between doing the competitive thing and doing the right thing. All of his real life friends and teammates wanted him to do the former. "Get a hit, Grady!" they yelled. "Get on base. Keep the inning alive!" others implored. With his swing, an off-balance job that sent a towering pop-up into foul territory, Sizemore countered, "Screw that! It's after midnight; I'm going to bed." Way to do the right thing, Grady!
Fangraphs of past your bedtime:
The Phillies will be back in action tomorrow afternoon as Jerome Williams faces Drew Pomeranz. Should be more must-watch television, so join us back here then.