Rob Manfred's been at it for only a few days and already some a-hole is breaking down the things he's said and trying to have problems with them:
"If you were at the [Hall of Fame] induction ceremony last summer, it is really hard to reach the conclusion that the Hall of Fame has a problem."
Some people would argue that the absence of the sport's all-time hits leader and the all-time home run hitter is a problem, but that's no universal sentiment. This year, an exhausted public did not have as many incoherent zealots with Hall of Fame ballots to decry as they have in past Hall of Fame voting seasons.
But there are some real psychos out there, and the only way to combat their idiocy when voting for people to be in a baseball museum is to lower the level of excitement there is about the museum itself. The privilege to vote is not a lot of power, but it goes directly to their heads and for several weeks in winter, controls their actions like an alien parasite.
I consider that a problem. I am also concerned about alien parasites. Just letting anyone else out there who may share that concern know that we should get together and be concerned about that together.
"I don't like the way baseball looks if players are using performance-enhancing drugs."
Yes, we all hate it when baseball looks awesome. The new comissioner himself said he was trying to "inject" some offense back in the game; a double meaning so insanely unsubtle I looked up to see if he was taking hore tranquilizers during the interview.
Baseball on PEDs is video game baseball. And by trying to eliminate things like infield shifts to suppress defensive advantages and boost the amount of offense, you're saying you would love that sort of baseball exactly, the sort that sucks in new fans and thrills the older ones. Basically, what we need is a way to capture the essence of PEDs without anybody actually using them. Get to work on that, scientists.
"I'm late getting out of work and I'm running like crazy to get to the ballpark," Manfred recalled.
As he stood at the will call window waiting for his ticket, the crowd of more than 57,000 erupted. Rose had led off the bottom of the first inning with a single to center field and tied Musial's record.
Great, the new man in charge of all of baseball brings a Dodger-fan philosophy to game time punctuality. THERE YOU GO, KIDS. ALWAYS BE LATE FOR THINGS. YOU WON'T ALWAYS MISS A PIECE OF HISTORY THAT YOU WOULD HAVE TREASURED FOREVER.
"Baseball is a game firmly rooted in childhood experiences, and its vitality and growth rely heavily on giving young people from all backgrounds the opportunity to play and watch baseball."
"This notion that baseball is the game of children is central to my core goals as Commissioner. Maybe that is because my own Little League experience in upstate Rome, New York was such an important part of my childhood. I will never forget my intense dedication to that club and to my teammates -- each of whom I can still name to this day..."
Once, while batting in a little league game, I heard my teammates on the bench behind me planning to hurl full Gatorade bottles at me if I struck out again. This isn't especially relevant, just a fun bit of nostalgia I involuntarily dig up from time to time. Thanks a lot, commissioner.
"Our children can look at MLB today and find a wave of new stars worthy of emulating both on and off the field. Players like Andrew McCutchen, Buster Posey, Giancarlo Stanton and Mike Trout and aces Madison Bumgarner, Felix Hernandez and Clayton Kershaw..."
What, you can't even give baseball's projected leader in team losses a shout-out? Nobody wants to emulate the easy-breezy circle change of a Cole Hamels or the teeth-grinding, unapproachable intensity of Chase Utley? Unless you count Mike Trout as a Phillie, which I do, this list was extremely lacking and disappointing.
[Does interview with guys from Intentional Talk]
You're a monster, Mr. Commissioner.
"Traditionalists can be convinced that change is necessary if they see it."
What traditionalists have you been talking to? The ones I know are so rigid with tradition they can't even get out of bed in the morning. It's tough to preach reason and rationality and logic to people who believe something just because they have always believed it.
And with so much projecting of personal traits onto baseball (RE: Problems with the Hall of Fame), it's difficult to believe that somebody who is terrified of change will come around to it just because of irrefutable proof being presented to them. They'll just try to poke holes in the irrefutability of the proof because people would rather not be seen as wrong about anything, rather than concede and become the foundation for change.
Karl Ravech: "World Series home field advantage..."
Rob Manfred: "...should be decided by the All-Star Game."
Ravech: "Not changing that?"
Manfred : "No."