Klentak! Season One, Episode One: "Klentak Attack"

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY

A bustling urban police station. Papers are flying, people are running around, phones are ringing off the hook. DETECTIVE KLENTAK enters, wearing a sweet trench coat and walking smoothly against the frantic backdrop. An officer carrying some files bumps into him.

OFFICER: Oh, excuse me, Detective...

KLENTAK: It's "Klentak," but I ain't a detective. Not anymore.

OFFICER: Okay.

KLENTAK: Not after what happened between the chief and me.

OFFICER: [Nods politely]

KLENTAK: We had a falling out, you see. Used to be real close. Then one day, out of nowhere, Baltimore's not big enough for the both of us, and I'm holding a one-way trolley ticket out of town.

OFFICER: Not-Detective Klentak, I'm sorry; this stack of unsolved murders isn't going to burn itself.

KLENTAK: Of course, of course. I remember the day-to-day rigmarole of police work. It's almost as if I never even--oh.

The officer is gone. CHIEF MACPHAIL appears in the doorway of his officer, his voice a thunder clap across the bullpen.

MACPHAIL: Klentak! Get in here!

KLENTAK: Whatsa matter, Chief? Crime come back from vacation?

MACPHAIL: I SAID GET IN HERE!

KLENTAK: I heard you, I'm coming.

The crowded room prolongs Klentak's approach to MacPhail's office. The chief checks his watch several times and straightens his tie in the interim.

KLENTAK: [To officer on the phone] 'Scuse me, just trying to get by.

OFFICER ON PHONE: I'm on the phone.

KLENTAK: Sor--sorry.

INT. CHIEF MACPHAIL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

MacPhail circles his desk and sits down.

KLENTAK: Whatsa matter, Chief? Crime come back from vacation?

MACPHAIL: Klentak, you and I both know crime never takes any time off. That's for detectives who don't know when to keep their mouths shut when they work for me in Baltimore.

KLENTAK: You son of a--

A brief scuffle ensues.

MACPHAIL: We can work out our checkered past later. Right now, half this city is currently stabbing the other half, and the mayor says that can't happen, not in an election year. Dead people don't cast votes.

KLENTAK: That's a shame, because I've heard they're the majority in this town.

MACPHAIL: You son of a--

An even briefer scuffle ensues.

OFFICER: Chief! We just caught a murder!

MACPHAIL: We finally caught one?!

OFFICER: No, a "murder," not a "murderer."

MACPHAIL: Oh. Looks like you're up, Klentak. Now get out there and solve every crime over the course of several months.

EXT. CRIME SCENE IN ALLEY - DAY

SERGEANT PROEFROCK stands guard at a grisly murder scene as Klentak approaches.

PROEFROCK: Is that Detective Klentak?

KLENTAK: Hey, Proefrock. Been a long time.

PROEFROCK: We've actually never met. Hey, chief said to give you these.

Proefrock hands Klentak a badge and gun.

KLENTAK: Thanks... but I brought my own.

Klentak pulls back his sweet trench coat to reveal a crudely made cardboard badge and gun on his belt.

PROEFROCK: Hey, whatever happened between you and the chief, anyway?

Klentak punches him in the face.

KLENTAK: I'll tell you later.

PROEFROCK: [Rubbing jaw] I understand. I've stood in front of a lot of crime scenes in my day, and not once have I not been punched in the face.

Klentak approaches the body and crouches down, examining it. It's the PHANATIC, dead as heck, and dressed in street clothes for the first time ever.

KLENTAK: This is some good crime. I haven't seen crime like this since... Baltimore.

PROEFROCK: Like when you and Chief MacPhail were working on that Collective Bargaining Agreement together?

Klentak looks up quickly. All the other officers and crime scene personnel stop what they're doing and exchange awkward eye contact. Klentak nods at an officer standing next to Proefrock, and the officer nods back and punches Proefrock in the face.

KLENTAK: I said I don't want to talk about my past.

PROEFROCK: I don't think you did say that.

KLENTAK: And with the way me and MacPhail were at each other's throats back then, it was more of a Collective Bludgeoning Agreement.

The crowd parts to allow for MAYOR MIDDLETON to approach. He stops and glares at Klentak, who rises from his crouch.

MAYOR MIDDLETON: Klentak!

KLENTAK: Middleton.

A brief scuffle ensues.

MIDDLETON: I don't know why MacPhail brought you back, after what happened between you two in Baltimore--

Off screen, Proefrock is punched again.

MIDDLETON: --but you're here now and I need at least some of these crimes to actually be solved. I've got an election to win this November. We were the first city to reach 10,000 murders a few years ago and people are starting to notice that their friends and neighbors aren't as alive as they were before.

KLENTAK: Gimme a break, Middleton. I've been on the job 12 minutes.

MIDDLETON: I think you and I both know that crime doesn't leave town just because you do.

KLENTAK: Yeah, the chief told me.

MIDDLETON: Then he also told you that I'm really breathing down his neck on this one. No screw-ups, you hear? I've poured a ton of personal resources into this department and I don't want them wasted just because MacPhail brought in an old pal to be his fall guy.

KLENTAK: Your money's safe with us, Mr. Mayor. And as for being MacPhail's "fall" guy... don't worry. Winter will be here soon enough.

Klentak crouches back down to examine the body. Middleton, Proefrock, and the rest of the officers all look at each other, confused as they digest Klentak's closing line. Ambient city noises are all that is heard.

INT. BAR  - LATER

A large group of police, including Chief MacPhail, surround Klentak at the bar. They are all holding glasses for a toast.

KLENTAK: To my first solved murder since coming back. Who would have thought that the Phanatic's death was merely the first in a series of ten horrible murders, with the first letter of each victim's name spelling out the killer's identity: PAT GILLICK. I only wish we had pieced it together after the first six or seven deaths.

MACPHAIL: And all because he had served as the chief before me and, in working so closely on crime over the years, fell victim to its allure.

KLENTAK: Yes, that voice telling us to systematically kill our former co-workers is always screaming inside our heads, but real cops know how to silence it.

MACPHAIL: This is one murder file that won't end up in the furnace, right officer who was burning all those unsolved crime reports in the opening scene?

KLENTAK: He's not here. His name started with an "I" and he wound up being the second "I" in "GILLICK."

MACPHAIL: Oh.

KLENTAK: I'm just glad we were able to gun down the killer on a rooftop, before he could stop speaking in ambiguities and actually confess to the crime. To me!

Everyone drinks. Proefrock enters, flustered.

PROEFROCK: Hey Klentak, looks like you're not done yet! Somebody just pulled off a heist downtown! And get this - it was at our own police station! So much of Middleton' s money is down the drain! But don't worry - he left a calling card.

Proefrock hands Klentak a piece of evidence in a sealed plastic bag. MacPhail shakes his head at Klentak.

MACPHAIL: Think you got another one in you?

KLENTAK: That depends on how soon I can get the bartender's attention.

MACPHAIL: You'll never change, Klentak.

PROEFROCK: So what ever happened between you two, anyway?

Klentak and MacPhail look at each other and smile.

KLENTAK AND MACPHAIL: Here we go again!

They both rear back to punch Proefrock in the face - FREEZE FRAME.

In the background, a sinister and very much alive Phanatic stares daggers through the window at Klentak, a set of arched fabric eyebrows above his eyes...