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Dear Watching the Phillies [a hyper-link'd Kobe homage]

When one of basketball's best players says goodbye in verse, our resident poet-in-residence caught some needed inspiration.

I'm pretty sure /  I can change you.
I'm pretty sure / I can change you.
Mitchell Leff/Getty Images

Dear Watching the Phillies,

From the moment

I started copying my dad's damn its

And watching torpid

Cat-pissing losses

In the Old Veterans Stadium

I felt one thing was real:

You are a bad girlfriend.

A double-bind so tight it squeezes my balls -

From my leftys & righties

To those hanging, on all fours.

As a thirteen-year-old boy

Wasting so much time on you

Dreaming of coming into the tunnel,

Then seeing myself

Running away from your teeth.

And hot damn I ran.

I ran in and out every turnstile

And out every ground ball for you

I called out for hustle

You gave me a hustle

And that came with so much more.

I watched through my sleep and haze

Not because you were very good

But because the TV was too loud.

I watched every inning of YOU

Because that's what I do

When someone hugs you so tight

You can't hardly breathe.

You gave a thirteen-year-old boy his Phillies dream

And I'll always curse you for it.

Because I'm obsessively trapped forever.

Next season will be proof of that.

My heart will take the pounding

My eyeballs will handle the scorch

But my body will be happy to see you.

And that's so wrong.

My friends really question me.

But I want you so bad

I know that we'll be back together

And that you're the one

And that I'm pretty sure

I can change you.

And we both know, no matter what you do next

I'll always be that dude

Sitting in the upper deck

Tapping out on Twitter

5-7-5 syllables of haiku

About the bullpen

Phone - uh, yeah, phone -  in my hands.

1 ... 2... 3... strikes you're

Ehh, take as many as you need,

Love you always,

Wet Luzinski