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Futures of Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins playing out in Nashville

When will Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins news stop being Phillies news? No one knows. When a player leaves Philadelphia, there is a small window of time in which any subsequent actions on their part - a big hit, a no-hitter, attempting to throttle their new team's best player by the neck for a perceived slight - can still be considered relevant in the Phillies universe.

Why, just yesterday, I stopped myself from putting up a "Ha ha, Papelbon filed a grievance against the Nationals" post, which is good, because hours later, Maikel Franco did the same against the Phillies. Another terrific, typical display of restraint by me.

But, seeing as how Utley and Rollins are merely Phillies embedded agents, undercover now out in the baseball universe, it's not weird if we take a peak at headlines that include their names or follow their every action as though we were close friends. Hey, look at that, Utley got a one-year deal with the Dodgers! That's fantastic.

They're saying he can play first, second, and third base now, so he's got that "versatility" thing working in his favor, and it netted him $7 million. Beautiful. On top of that, they like his "intangibles," which we in Philadelphia know means they like how his arms look in a tank top.

On the other side of the nation, Jimmy Rollins is getting interest from - surprise, surprise - the Nationals. At one point, Washington thought it was being cute by signing every 2008 World Series hero that became available, and guys like Matt Stairs or Brad Lidge were tough to see in such an ugly uniform. But the Nats haven't made a move on an everyday 2008 player since Jayson Werth, so this Rollins deal could be huge for them - huge in the sense that it would calm their deep, deep insecurities aimed at Philadelphia. If anything, signing Rollins would be an intensely private issue for a franchise that has be up to its neck in self-pity by now.

Self-pity and anticipation of Trea Turner. Does the thought of Rollins being used as a doorstop to keep the entryway clear for an eventual Nationals prospect, at which point they will likely toss J-Roll out in the cold, sting a bit? Ha ha, not at all, Nationals! You failed again! [Grip tightens on full mug of coffee until it breaks]