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Lehigh Valley IronPigs unveil sexy new line of Phillies bobbleheads

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The Phillies' Triple A affiliate will release a crop of souvenirs that tap into the past and future of the team, while notably glossing over the present.

Anthony Gruppuso-USA TODAY Sports

You'll hear it plenty of times this year; the Phillies are a bad team who will just be bad all the time. Is there some team doing bad stuff? It was probably the Phillies. They suck.

While the team may be incredibly popular within their own borders when they're doing well, they are even more popular in every other part of the country when they are bad. Every outlet has them finishing in last in 2015, and some outlets seem to exist merely to downgrade the value of what good players are still on the team.

And even we know that the present looks grim, but less grim before, when the future was also grim. At least we know now the team is working toward something, and that something will include fun, young, interesting players who haven't suffered the debilitating injury or inevitable fan-disappointment to damage their outlook yet (But the first time one of them flips a bat or jogs to first, you better believe it's because they're trying to bring the franchise down from the inside).

So, the Lehigh Valley IronPigs, who will serve as a holding station for any young talent or utility space-filler that will debut/reappear on the Phillies roster this year, are celebrating the two periods surrounding the transitional present. This summer, they will be putting out bobbleheads from the past, with a Charlie Manuel wearing a highly erotic Hawaiian shirt, and the future, with Maikel Franco throwing up duel peace signs and Ken Giles targeting a triple digit offering on an unsuspecting batter, most likely Jayson Werth, who then strikes out in disgrace and the Nationals all go home and cry.

Fangraphs has even thrown stupid, malformed Phillies fans a bone by mentioning how neat Giles is. They even brought .gifs! We love .gifs!

I don't know how "Screaming, fist-pumping" Ken Giles didn't get a bobblehead, but I'm not the one who makes those decisions.