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Jerome Williams Hurt, Reveals Tenuous Nature of Everything

"Oh," bystanders say, "I kind of get how deep this could get."

Don't let Kevin Bacon Die!
Don't let Kevin Bacon Die!
Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports


Per beat reporter Todd Zolecki, Phillies starting pitcher and rotation stalwart Jerome Williams has reportedly pulled his hamstring, and is considered day-to-day.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p>Jerome Williams was scratched from today’s start after tweaking his right hamstring earlier this week. He is considered day to day.</p>&mdash; Todd Zolecki (@ToddZolecki) <a href="">March 17, 2015</a></blockquote>

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Williams was set to be the number three pitcher in a bad Phillies rotation. When Cliff Lee went to the 60-day-DL, he was slated to be the number two pitcher in an awful Phillies rotation. And with the specter of a Cole Hamels trade, he even had the chance to be the ace of a Phillies rotation that could be brought up on war crimes at the Hague.

Now he's hurt too.

"You know, Cliff, I kind of expected it. He was hurt before. And I've been killing Rube for not trading Cole before he got hurt," a Phillies fan commented upon hearing the news. "But Jerome? God. Do you guys realize that David Buchanan could be our number one pitcher? Did you realize that the Earth is going to fly into the sun someday? God I gotta sit down."

Phillies fans have reacted by mostly taking to libraries and places of prayer and reflection. "We know Jerome isn't dead," a Philadelphian woman told us, looking up from her rosary, "and he'll probably pitch again this spring. But what if he was really hurt? Would the Phillies have to start MAG? Would they have to sign Joe Saunders? Wade LeBlanc employed somewhere?"

After a moment, she added "Wow this team is going to be awful."