Knocking over empty pizza boxes, you roll over in bed and rub your weary, bloodshot eyes.
"Hhhrrrmmmm," you mumble, opening the blinds to reveal it's actually night time. A quick review of your voicemails shows you missed your shift at the pizza box assembly plant.
What the hell happened yesterday? I'll tell you what happened: A Rule 5 pick went 3-for-4 with three stolen bases in a preseason game.
And the world went nuts.
Leading off for the Phillies, Herrera's work on the base paths was praised by the press. Ryne Sandberg said he "stood out" and called him "a sparkplug." One Spanish station reminded us his nickname is "El Torito" ("The Bull"), another one said he stole the spotlight from Alex Rodriguez, who was making his first Yankees at-bat since 2013 and singled.
And it all fueled one very real sentiment in Philadelphia right now: everybody wants a guy.
Over on Bleeding Green Nation, they're watching Chip Kelly's thought matrix reform the Eagles roster to be based around Marcus Mariota. The Sixers looked like they shipped out their guy a few weeks back in Michael Carter-Williams, and though the trade may be good for all involved, the initial reaction was disappointment that the perceived "guy" was gone. Why is "the guy" gone? Where did he go? Is Ed Rendell okay with all this? These are questions we need to ask in Philadelphia, apparently.
The Phillies are no different, and as the franchise is gently restructured over the course of the next few years, fans are going to be searching for their next guy. Maybe he's Aaron Nola; maybe he's J.P. Crawford.
Or maaaayybbee, it's the underdog guy the Phillies drafted away from the Rangers during one of baseball's weird secondary drafts! Yeah! What a fun, sexy spring narrative. Let's go with that.
So, we did; and Herrera didn't help by having a nice little day: 3-for-4 with three singles, three stolen bases, and two runs scored. The most impressive spring training game ever? No, but we haven't even seen baseball in forever, so this is like observing a native species on another planet perform an alien ritual - and that one guy seems to be doing it better than anybody else.
As Eric put it yesterday, though, it wasn't all Herrera. He had the help of a bumbling Brian McCann behind the plate for the Yankees, who for some reason kept trying to catch Herrera stealing by propelling the ball toward the back stop; McCann's replacement, Gary Sanchez, dropped the ball when he tried to get it out of his mitt and throw Herrera out during steal number three; one of the Herrera's singles was a ricochet off Mark Teixera's glove at first.
But it was still cool, Herrera was still stealing second and third on two straight pitches, making bull horns at second base, and giving Larry Andersen a reason not to fall asleep, and all with a magnificent head of hair.
SHUT UP, THIS ALL MATTERS