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Out of the Phight: Episode III

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Part II of our season-long look at what would happen if the internet ran the Phillies: In Color! I mean, of course it's in color, because this is 2015 not 1955.

What is this crap anyway.
What is this crap anyway.
Andy Marlin-USA TODAY Sports

Previously, on Out Of The Phight: Some shenanigans ensued, but the Phillies were facing a dismal 6-14 record even with two weeks of help from the internet. The only prescription was more cowbell, but we don't have a cowbell. Fortunately we can always get more help from the internet.

So, internets, what you got for me?

OOTPSignWilsonV

Ah, a two-parter. Signing Wilson Valdez I can totally do, but I'm not sure what to do about the second... unless...

OOTPWVCard

There it is! What's next?

OOTPSignJFranco

Uh.... So between Moyer and Franco and I'm sure someone will tell me to sign Pete Rose or some nonsense, this team's going to have an average age greater than most Wii Bowling leagues. But, ok. If you think that's wise.

OOTPFrancoSigned

Next:

What? Goddamnit RtP. Fine.

OOTPCoachRose

I'm not even sure how this was allowed, to be honest. Maybe the League Office thought we hired a guy whose name was actually Peter Charles Hustle Rose, who wouldn't show up on the banned list. Probably that. Yeah.

Also I had to fire Larry Bowa to make room. I hope you're happy.

OOTPGetDBS

Okay, this I can do. Even if this guy is a witer. Never tust witers, that's what I always say.

OOTPWilliamsBradley

Well, poof. There we go. What else you got?

OOTPPromoNola

Well, Williams is already gone, but we can promote Nola. Young Superstar Darin Ruf is already our starting first baseman, so I'm glad to see we're on the same page!

OOTPTradeBforB

Well, I'm sure this won't be controversial at all.

OOTPBoegarts

Not everyone was thrilled with this.

OOTPVicReaction

Well of course they were pleased. Just like General Taylor. What else we got?

OOTPAUmontSun

While I'm sure the technology exists to launch a large Quebecois into the sun, I'm not sure that it's the best use of our resources. I appreciate the spirit, though, so I'll do what I can:

OOTPAumontTrade

That's not the sun, of course, but it might as well be. 

OOTPGetKendrick

Okay, we can do that. Shouldn't take too much to pry away the Rockies' opening day starter.

OOTPKendrickTrade

LMAO. Thanks Colorado. They wanted him gone so desperately that they took Dan Butler for Kendrick and more than his entire salary. I actually cleared half a million in payroll on this trade.

That was it from the comments. Let's turn to Twitter...

But I did already. In fact, he's currently tied for the team lead in home runs.

Well, someone's gotta manage the VSL Phillies, I guess. Might as well be Scott.

This was all of the advice available at press time. With the changes changed and the settings set, let's see what the next ten games gets us.

OOTP30Standings

That's not great. It's an improvement, but there's a lot of ground to cover if we're going to catch up with the leaders.

Speaking of leaders:

OOTP30Leaders

As before, #FHOFRI is pacing the team in home runs, but Mike Trout has started to hit. Chase Utley is flashing the speed, and Dom Brown is providing the much-needed production. On the other side, the pitching stats haven't recovered from the shedding of the aces yet, but... Ken Giles? 23 strikeouts? In *punches abacus* lessee *kicks slide rule* it looks like *puts calculator in toaster* approximately *uninstalls MS Excel* 13 innings. Yeaowza.

Speaking of pitching, how did that Nola kid do?

OOTPNolaDebuts

So, good and bad. On the plus side, the roster now has a number of exciting, intriguing and down right bizarre names.

OOTP30Roster

There's pieces to dream, or swoon, on there, for sure, but the puzzle's not done.

Do you know what we need next? Leave a suggestion in the comments below, or hit me up on twitter @Phrozen_, @TheGoodPhight and use the hashtag #OutOfThePhight!

See ya' next time!