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I could write out some patter here about how laughably terrible the Phillies were last night (and are in general), but knowing what's ahead of us today, I don't want to pretend that last night was a new low point for the 2015 Phillies. Why don't I want to do that? BECAUSE LOOK UPON TODAY'S LINEUP AND WEEP, WEEP FOR ALL OF OUR FUTURES AND PASTS, FOR THIS IS THE LINEUP OF DAMNATION.
I mean, look at that lineup! Actually, don't. Don't look at it. It's for your own good.
Stay strong, Phillies fans. And discuss the game in the comments below.