After nearly 24 HOURS OF WALL TO WALL #DOMWATCH COVERAGE, Domonic Brown has reported to Lehigh Valley to begin his new life as Domonic Brown, Phillies Oppressed Minor Leaguer.
Domonic Brown has reported to the IronPigs. Batting third and playing RF tonight against Durham, per @PigsRadio.— Greg Joyce (@GJoyce9) April 29, 2015
The Phillies have said that Dom's demotion isn't meant as punishment, which is good because what in the world would they be punishing him for? Ruben Amaro Jr. is insisting that this stint with the IronPigs is to get him ready to contribute to the big club, because he's not quite at that level yet. I'm curious about what that level is, though, since right now the Withered Husk of Grady Sizemore (.125/.176/.156) and Jeff Francoeur (.193/.258/.351) are sharing right field duties. Neither of them are doing anything of note in any way, shape, or form, unless intense sucking counts. So if that's the level, I don't quite understand why Dom Brown, who is younger than both of them and has less time in the majors, isn't being given a chance to do better. A pile of socks wearing a hat and holding a baseball bat would be more valuable than Grady Sizemore at this point. So even though the Phillies are saying this isn't punitive, the facts certainly make it seem like it is.
But that doesn't answer the most important question. Where was Domonic Brown!? Was he hunting wild llama in the Amazon, only to meet one face to face and declare "I CANNOT KILL THIS GLORIOUS, GENTLE BEAST"? Was he completing his vision quest and sleeping on the vast plains of South Dakota in a yurt he made with his own muscular hands? Perhaps he was learning to fly a plane so he could skywrite "THANKS FOR THE DEMOTION, PHILLIES" above Citizens Bank Park. Or maybe he just needed a day to deal with this unbelievably shitty news, that after years of being yanked around by the Phillies, he's being yanked around even more, and with no discernible reason.
My fellow TGP writers had a few ideas of their own:
John Stolnis -- I heard that Dom Brown was caught in traffic, that's why it took 20 hours to report. Literally, four cars surrounded him and and built a wall 10 feet high around him. Caught in traffic.
Peter Lyons -- Binge-watching "Transparent."
Trev223 -- Deep cover agent in the Atlanta Braves organization. Under the alias Bom Drown, he convinced the Braves braintrust to trade for Sizemore, Francoeur, and Revere to create "a super outfield" capable of winning the division. The Phillies will receive all of Atlanta'a prospects.
Eric Chesterton -- Worked on his routes with Tony Romo.
David S. Cohen -- Had a long heart-to-heart with Scott Boras about baseball and the meaning of life, drinking Long Island Ice Teas and using lots of Kleenex.
- Loudly eating an apple
- Creating and then deleting eight different new Twitter accounts
- Trying to DM the Russian guy who took over his old one
- Duct taping over DeMarco Murray's name on his Cowboys jersey
- Writing the 20 or 30th draft of his tear-stained hate-letter to this city and team
- Downing his weekly requirement of pig meat while playing for the deranged, pork-obsessed team runners at Lehigh Valley
No matter what he was doing, I hope we see him back with the Phillies soon. Because Jeff Francoeur is still on the Phillies, and that needs to stop.