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Breaking News: Dom Brown Gone?

It fills needs for both teams with the Phillies getting more grittiness and Brown providing creative route running for his new Employer.

Chip Kelly - Waitin' for the school bus.
Chip Kelly - Waitin' for the school bus.
Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

The year is 2006, the Phillies gambled on a number of multi-sport High School players. In the 20th round they selected a tall Wide Receiver with a commitment to a Florida College to play Wide Receiver. In the 15th round they selected a tall Wide Receiver with a commitment to play College Football in Florida. They only reached a contract with the 20th Rounder. The 15th Rounder went on to be drafted again in 2009 by the Rangers, but didn't sign and was subsequently drafted in the 5th Round in the 2010 NFL draft. Meanwhile the 20th Rounder went on to become the top prospect in Baseball before struggling to start his MLB career.

Today the Phillies decided to trade that former 20th Round pick, Domonic Brown for that former 15th round pick, Eagles Wide Receiver Riley Cooper. Chip Kelly noted "We love the creativity Dom shows in his routes to catch balls. We don't feel that most Defensive Backs will be able to figure out what he's doing." "This trade is really a win-win" said Phillies GM Ruben Amaro, Jr. "We looked at the old scouting reports on Cooper and they all say he's a good player and the Eagles add receiver depth without giving up anyone who catches footballs."

Riley Cooper also supplies the Phillies with a lot of grit. "We're really excited" noted Sandberg "He immediately becomes, at least, the second best Outfielder on this team. We plan on hitting him cleanup. We expect him to bunt in 50 or 60 runs the rest of the way."

It's easy to see why this trade is great for the Phillies -- after all it's hard to argue with decade old Scouting Reports -- but what are the Eagles doing? Rumors have Chip Kelly flipping Brown along with Sam Bradford and the Sixers' Second round pick (exchanged in today's other trade in which the Sixers acquired the rights to former Syracuse Small Forward Donovan McNabb's rights in an attempt to lock down the #1 overall pick in 2016) to the Browns for their two first rounders so they can then trade those picks to the Titans for their First Round pick so they can draft former Oregon QB Marcus Mariota. It's a fairly bizarre plan and ranks as the 3rd or 4th weirdest thing Chip Kelly did this offseason.

((Ed Note: Whoa, I won't even ask you to fact check this -- this is amazing news!! I'm sure it's true and not satire.)