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Out Of The Phight: Episode II

Part II of our season-long look at what would happen if the internet ran the Phillies: shenanigans!

Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Previously, on Out Of The Phight: Your host was installed at the helm of the Phillies, and, following explicit instructions from Twitter, managed to guide the team to a 4-6 record. Now, ten games, we are once again aimlessly lost in the void and need your help!


So, internet, what should we do next?


Uh... Well, if you say so.


I hope you know what you're doing, johnny eagle!

What next?


Okay, but fair warning: when we cloned Utley, the machine created a baby. A very handsome and impressively powerful baby, but a baby nonetheless. This is going to take some time to be effective, and the morality questions become deeply disturbing and raise ecumenical issues. Still, check back in 20-odd years, and this team will likely be unstoppable, but in the meantime, no more clones, please?

Editor's note: "No promises, Phrozen. You knew what you were getting for."

Ugh. Fine. Okay, what's next?


Um... He's, like, 52. Are you sure?


Okay, okay, jeez.


We had to turn back to Twitter at this point:

Well, okay now, let's see what shakes loose from this tree.


Well, that worked out surprisingly well, actually. Not sure what we'll do with Moustakas, but I expect a solution will present itself.

I think the average age of this team might be actually getting older, but we'll pull Ankiel out of retirement also.


That was all of the advice that arrived as of press time, but lets roll with it for another ten days, and see what...

Hmmm... Interesting news release that just rolled across the screen via the Red Sox:


Interesting indeed. I wonder if the BoSox could use a pitcher. Of course, with Hamels gone already, and are one true ace all but untradeable...


So, with these further shakeups in place, let's kick the fires and light the tires and see where this takes us.


Nice. A full twenty games in, though, and things are decidedly less nice:


We went 2-8 over that ten game stretch, but there were some bright spots.


Not bad, Mr. Eflin. Welcome to the bigs indeed. Our other unorthodox pickups, Moyer and Ankiel, have yet to have a significant impact, but I'm confident their time is coming. In the meantime, the team leaders are:



What should we do next? The possibilities are nigh limitless! Well, no, actually, they're quite limited, but only in the existential sense. In a baseball sense, they're, well, still limited, but really orders of magnitude less so...

Editor's Note: "Phrozen, shut up."

Ahem. Well, leave a suggestion in the comments below, or hit me up on Twitter @Phrozen_ and @TheGoodPhight, and use the hashtag #OutOfThePhight. See ya next week!