Manhattan Purchase: Phillies at Mets Preview, May 26

Editor's Note: SB Nation's partner FanDuel is hosting a $125,000 one-day fantasy baseball league today. It's $3 to join and first place wins $10,000. Enter now!

Jacob deGrom could only have a more Dutch sounding name if we subbed out the c in his first name for a k, and -- oh wait, this is how serious sportswriters feel when they come up with a great headline, right? We can call him Jakob deGrom because he strikes out so many batters! And we can increase the k's for how many he gets out. So like against the Cardinals in his last start, he would be Jakkkkkkkkkkkob deGrom. Tonight he'll uh...be something similar to that probably.

Meanwhile the Phillies are one of the worst teams in baseball again, conveniently coinciding with my return to Chicago from a brief tour of The Area. I don't know and I'm not saying anything, but I did live in PA from 2008-2010...maybe someone should put me on retainer. Someone named something that rhymes with Blon Bliddleton Blenior.

Projected Pitchers

Jakkkkkkkkkob deGrom -- We all know what he'll do: he'll probably be dynamic all while making us jealous of his flowing mane. So let's just come up with some nicknames for the guy, as his b-ref page indicates he has none: The Flying Dutchman. The Manhattan Project. The Queens Slasher. Manimal. TINSTAAPP. The Boer War.

Okay not that last one.

Jerome Williams -- Sigh. Another six workman-like innings of three or four run ball. Another vague shot at winning that really is kind of all you can ask from a pitcher who should probably be in long relief. Another day of feeling bad for Jerome Williams because he seems nice, but there's only so much charm you can attach to a 5 ERA that has the peripherals to match it. Poor Puka.