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Stop, stop; they're already dead: Reds 11, Phillies 2

The Reds put up a fast, large lead on a night when their players kept disappearing.

David Kohl-USA TODAY Sports

Dear lord.

Aaron Harang, the Phillies' most dependable starter, was the opposite of that this evening as his ERA ballooned following an outing in Cincinnati in which he gave up seven runs, most of which involved Joey Votto in some capacity.

Votto went 3-for-4 with three - count 'um, three - home runs, knocking in or scoring eight of the Reds' 11 runs in an absolute rampage on Phillies pitching. He bashed Harang for two home runs before tagging one of Dustin McGowan's garbage time offerings for his third of the night, letting us all reminisce about that magical night years ago when Kyle Kendrick got murdered by Jason Giambi at Coors Field.

Zack Cozart and Todd Frazier also homered off Harang, who had one of the worst nights of his career - 7 ER, 7 H, 5 SO, 2 BB, and 4 HR. It was bad. "Oh gosh, my trade value!" Harang was heard muttering and pounding his glove as he left the field.

All that homering (five total) by the Reds settled down after the seventh, which was nice, giving the Phillies' offense a chance to retaliate, which they did not, at all, at any point, really.

The Reds weren't without their suffering, though, as Brandon Phillips left in the third with a strained left groin. Jay Bruce, with the Reds' early five-run lead against baseball's worst offense hanging in the balance*, was thrown out of the game for jawing at the home plate umpire over balls and strikes. A noble sacrifice.

Following the Reds' back-to-back jacks by Votto and Frazier in the third, the Phillies responded by enthusiastically striking out in order. Reds starter Joseph DeScalfani allowed two runs, and the Phillies did actually bonk him for 10 hits, none of which really led to anything. Maikel Franco had the sole extra base hit of the evening, and Odubel Herrera went 3-for-4, but when the Phillies were lucky enough to get runners in scoring position, they would strike out or ground out or ground into a double play. Ryan Howard looked especially futile, striking out three times and using his only other at-bat to hit into an inning-ending twin killing. Way to put the bat on the ball, Ry.

Hey, this'll put a smile on your noggin:

The Brewers won tonight, giving the Phillies the worst record in the sport. Good night everyone!

*Scott Franzke noted prior to the game that the Reds, despite three fewer games than the Phillies, had scored 34 more runs.