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Yeah, okay: Phillies 9, Cardinals 2

There was a rookie on the mound and a bunch of strangers at the plate as the Phillies gave the Cardinals a Father's Day pounding.

Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

There are a lot of things the Phillies do wrong, so when they do anything right, it can be jarring, or confusing.

"What is this? What's happening?" we cried all afternoon, as the Phillies knocked in run after run until their total sat at nine. Fathers ignored their children's homemade cards and barely rehearsed musical numbers; meat was burned beyond recognition on untended grills; key joke set-ups were missed entirely as dads everywhere couldn't look away from the somehow-functioning Phillies offense.

All of the Phillies got in on the action, spreading 13 hits over nine innings, bringing in runners in scoring position as if it was something they did with any sort of frequency:

  • Dom Brown and Cody Asche hit back-to-back doubles in the second, and Asche was then knocked in by Cesar Hernandez.
  • Maikel Franco doubled in Ben Revere in the fifth, and he was singled in by Ryan Howard.
  • Ben Revere knocked in Odubel Herrera in the sixth.
  • Andres Blanco smacked a three-run jack in the seventh.

In his major league debut, Adam Morgan kept the Cardinals down, allowing only six hits and two walks while striking out six in 5.2 innings. When he allowed two runners on with two outs in the sixth, Ryne Sandberg emerged from the dugout and took Morgan out of the game for some reason. The emotions of the day forced Phillies fans to switch back and forth between hostility and appreciation on the fly.

The victory was only the Phillies' fifth win in the month of June (in which they are 5-14), the first time their starter has logged a win since May 23, and the first time they'd scored more than four runs since June 7.

Bring on the Yankees!